You may be a computer nerd . . .
  • If you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife".
  • If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
  • If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
  • If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas.
  • If Dilbert is your hero.
  • If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.
  • If you can name six Star Trek episodes.
  • If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.
  • If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50.
  • If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.
  • If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
  • If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car.
  • If you use coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
  • If at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
  • If you window shop at Radio Shack.
  • If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
  • If you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
  • If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.
  • If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment - and you do.
  • If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.
  • If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
  • If you own "Official Star Trek" anything.
  • If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside.
  • If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.
  • If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
  • If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.
  • If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
  • If you have never backed-up your hard drive.
  • If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud.
  • If you truly believe aliens are living among us.
  • If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
  • If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is."
  • If you see a good design and still have to change it.
  • If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
  • If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
  • If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind.
  • If you own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers, but you don't remember where they are.
  • If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
  • If you have more toys than your kids.
  • If you need a checklist to turn on the TV.
  • If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name.
  • If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
  • If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.
  • If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it.
  • If you can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.
  • If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already.
  • If you have ever owned a calculator with no " = " key and know what "RPN" stands for.
  • If your father sat two inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.
  • If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screwdriver to use.
  • If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
  • If people groan at the party when you pick out the music.
  • If you can't remember where you parked your car for the third time this week.
  • If you did the sound system for your senior prom.
  • If your checkbook always balances.
  • If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.
  • If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
  • If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers.
  • If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
  • If you spend more on your home computer than your car.
  • If you know what ôhttpö stands for.
  • If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio.
  • If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.
  • If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
  • If your laptop computer costs more than your car.
  • If your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate.
(Donor: Rob Saville)


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