The Stoney Blokes are stones, but they have feelings just like you or me, except that because they don't have arms, legs or much of anything else, they can't do anything about them. In fact, they have one, overriding emotion - fear of water verging on hatred. This is a major disadvantage for most Blokes as they tend to live on beaches, which entails a twice daily soaking by the tide.
Because of their unfortunate situation, Blokes tend to be very happy at low tide and become increasingly morbid as the tide rises. They only ever become truly happy, though, when they are taken away from the water - to be used as landfill, say, or included in a concrete block (the word 'block' is itself a corruption of the Anglo-Saxon word for stone - Bloak). Blokes have a vague and fuzzy idea of heaven, and it is somewhere very dry and a long way from the beach. But they are not a particularly lucky breed, however, and very often they end up in wetter situations than the one they left behind. Blokey heaven may well end up being the beach after all...
Stoney Blokes are not a new phenomenon, they evolved many trillions of years before mankind, and most beaches are littered with the remains of fossilised blokes. There is even evidence of Blokes in space, orbiting our solar system and inhabiting planets and star systems well beyond the reach of the most powerful radio telescopes known to man.
If you'd like any further information, email us and our team of experts will answer all your Blokey questions.
**Collecting blokes on a beach