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It's been a fruitless last few weeks. I've been waiting for that Labour promise to materialise that we women are to become more promiscuous under their government.
Clearly something has been going wrong so I've been pondering whether to widen the net.
Lesbianism appears to be a jolly good career move these days. Of course, it's going to be a tough call jacking in my penchant for 16 year old boys, but given the amount of publicity the whole thing is getting it could prove the fastest way of breaking out of Web City and hitting the big time. After all everyone is at it. Even the Spice Girls. According to Geri Spice what she really really wants is fellow Spice Victoria. Cher's daughter Chastity Bono clearly isn't living up to her nomenclature either and has let it be known that she isn't adverse to blotting her lipstick on a fellow girlie. Jodie Foster has apparently condoned a book which makes references to her homo tendencies and kd lang isn't exactly doing badly out of the whole thing.
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| Actually maybe I should stick to the male sex. After all a survey out this week in the Sunday Mirror concluded that the average woman has sex for 5 hours a year. A man has 36 hours a year. | Even allowing for porkie pies, and the inevitable males who misunderstood that the question actually meant having another person involved in the act it seems the male sex may yet prove a better option. | ||
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Still even if they haven't got the sex bit quite accurate, I see from the papers this week that Labour has fulfilled its promise to be tough on tobacco manufacturers.
They've decided to ban tobacco advertising on all sport including motor racing. I'm sure this will have a massive effect. Just imagine all those motor racing drivers who daily dice with death driving at ridiculously high speeds round a track, on flimsy vehicles that are apt to blow up at will. Given that the average lifespan of these chaps is about 3 seconds after the starting flag, I'm sure that all this government plan to convince them that smoking is really really dangerous will make a great difference. I've always favoured marketing that encourages active consumption, so I was delighted to see this week that Gordon's Gin is going to be pumping gin into cinema audiences during its ads. The idea is that you'll be so desperate for a gin that you leap out to the nearest bar and order one after the film. One tiny problem the marketing folks haven't thought of is that the film they've chosen to use the gin on actually finishes at 11.30pm - half an hour after the pubs close. Unless of course the whole plan is to encourage you to spend the whole night gagging for a gin so that you have one for breakfast the next day. Not that I've ever needed any convincing of the need for that one. | |||
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Richard Branson, who I read this week is to install bedrooms on his plane. For a mere รบ2,000 you can bonk to your hearts content in the stylish Mile High suite with double bed, Jacuzzi and shower.
Come to think of it though, if I'm going to invest that much I may as well invest it in a man. The deal is only available on the New York to London planes. Given the average woman's 5-hour sex life it would be a bit of a bugger to pay that amount only to run out of credit somewhere in the mid-Atlantic. | |||
Even Mrs Merton's getting in on the act although I suspect the old bid hasn't quite got the hang of the whole thing yet. Mrs Merton actress Caroline Aherne was photographed French-kissing singer Katrina Leskanich at the Sony Radio Awards. Okay sweetie, I know Katrina and her little Waves had just pulled off a historic victory in the Eurovision Song Contest, but surely the whole point of licking an unsuitable pair of tonsils for the cameras is that they should at least be attached to some sort of oil painting.