Bandwidth Theft
Stop! Thief! It seems like someone is always out to ruin your otherwise-joyous Internet experience. Viruses, spam, flaming... flaming spam. Can't we all just get along? Well, I know Gnomies can (save for the occasional friendly disagreement); it's the rest of the Web I worry about. Seems like some folks enjoy stealing the bandwidth from sites by linking directly to objects. Come again? Okay, let's say you have a short film sitting on your server. Someone may link directly to it, which means YOUR bandwidth gets used. This, of course, isn't the same as simply linking to a page. That's still legit. Lockergnome, in a way, steals bandwidth to make your downloading experiences more pleasurable. Whenever possible, however, I link to destinations which can handle the traffic spikes. Plus, I always provide a page link with any file URL. It's your responsibility to say thank you to the appropriate authors.
Batch File
I'll explain to you what a "batch file" is in a few moments, but first, let me tell you something about those Keebler Elves. They don't make their stuff from scratch. Considering how many cookies they have to make in a day, do you think they really have the time to combine all the ingredients for a truckload of Soft Batch Cookies? No, they have a big bag of Soft Batch mix that cuts their cookie-creating time in half. So, what the heck is a .BAT (batch) file? Nothing more than a text file that contains a sequence of commands for an operating system. It's a sequentially-ordered mix, so to speak. Without this file type, a command sequence would have to be entered one line at a time. Ernie the Elf would tell you that it isn't fun mixing the same ingredients over and over again. That little critter may not know a lot about computers or the Internet, but he sure knows his micro chips. Ha ha. Get it? Micro chips? Cookies? Ah, I believe I botched the batch pitch, butch.
Baud
The name is Baud. James Baud. This word actually comes from a man by the name of Jean-Maurice-Emile Baudot (he invented the Baudot telegraph code). Baud refers to the number of bits per second being transmitted, say, over your Internet connection. 300 baud is the same as 300 bits per second, or 300 bps. However, higher speed connections may allow more bits through than slower connections. In those cases, the baud and the bits per second may vary. In other words, more bits are allowed to pass through. Therefore, bits per second (bps) is a more accurate measure of data transmission than baud. I prefer my data shaken, not stirred. Thank you so much.
Benchmark
A "benchmark," in normal, everyday, run-of-the- mill, non-computer language, is something that other things are measured against. In other words: it's a point of reference. But, this is a tech publication, so we're going to define what "benchmark" means here in the digital realm. It means... basically the same thing. When a new product comes out, it is measured against certain conditions and similar products. It's benchmarked. An older version of a program can also be used as a kind of benchmark. Sometimes the criteria for a program is decided on beforehand; this criteria would also serve as a kind of benchmark. It's like when you start weight training and you hang up that picture of Mr. Universe to remind you of your goal. Those weights are too heavy for me, man.
Beta Testing
If you're an inventor, you'd probably want your inventions tested before you released them to the public. Ya know, in case your self-cleaning oven mitts don't work the way they're supposed to. Beta testing is (usually) the second step in designing a new application or program ("beta" being the second letter in the Greek alphabet, after all). See, once a programmer finishes his masterpiece, he has it "beta tested" by folks who love digging up and reporting errors, bugs, or other miscellaneous icky things. The software author can make sure it's clean and shiny and ready to be unleashed upon the public. If you find a program that's in its beta stage, that means it's coming with no promises (expressed or implied). Just don't confuse beta testing with Alpha Bits, although I'm sure that both stay crunchy in milk.
BinHex
Another day, another term to define. So what the heck is a "BinHex?" That's when you put a nasty spell on a bin. May no one eat the fruitcake stored inside you. Thank you, I'll be here all week, be sure to tip your waitress. Okay, actually, "BinHex" is a way of converting binary data into an ASCII file. Why would you want to do that? Because pretty much any computer in use today can handle ASCII characters. If you're sending a file to someone, converting to BinHex is an option to consider. Your e-mail might already contain a BinHex encoder/decoder for sending attachments. BinHex is mostly used as a way of encoding Macintosh files, akin to .Zip files on the PC. Kind of a babel fish for the digital world... if ya know what I mean.
Bios
When a computer needs to get across town, it simply takes the BIOS. Nah, but when it wants to boot up, it needs a basic input / output system. Er, BIOS. Okay, when you turn on your computer in the morning -- what's the first thing that you see on the screen? Before the pretty clouds, that is. Something about free RAM and hard drive capacity, I bet? What about "Hit F2 to enter Setup" or something along those lines? That's how you get into your system's BIOS. It's one program that can run without an operating system. In fact, its job is to keep your OS and hardware happier. Your internal devices are initialized before Windows runs; if something is awry at the system level, your BIOS should let you know immediately. "Keyboard error: press F1 to continue." Every BIOS is different; some allow for more tweaking. This software, of course, should not be touched by novices. Anybody can mess things up in a flash. Nice word choice, eh?
Blog
It sounds like caveman talk, doesn't it? "I Blog! Me make station wagon of tree bark!" You didn't know Blog was so resourceful, did ya? It's too bad Blog didn't have a blog of his own to upload his thoughts on automobiles. You see, a blog is a journal of your everyday life that you can share with the rest of the world (via the Internet). People who write blogs are called "bloggers." Why would anyone care about your day-to-day life? Ya got me. What kind of person writes about his life everyday anyway? I mean... oh wait, nevermind. Anyway, a blog can be written by anyone, really. Everyone has something to say, right? Of course, some blogs are more interesting than others, but they say it takes all kinds right? Is the Web a melting pot or a salad bowl? Well if it IS a salad, it has plenty of nuts, that's for sure. We make things more interesting, anyway, don't we? Get your own blog at BLOGGER.COM.
Bluetooth
With all the talk about handheld devices, you've probably heard the word "Bluetooth" come up a few times. What is it, you ask? It's a specification set up by the industry to allow PDAs, mobile phones, and personal computers to talk with one another through a wireless connection. In other words, it's all about bridging the gap... or gapping the bridge? Microsoft isn't including Bluetooth support with Windows XP, which could spell disaster for this particular technology. Then again, the technology really isn't ready for prime time yet. At least you knew the terminology while it lasted. I'm staying optimistic as always. Maybe. This world seems to move so fast anymore...
Boolean Search
Have you ever lost a Boolean? If you're like me, and you're constantly misplacing your Boolean, may I suggest a Boolean search? May I also suggest that I'm completely full of it? Actually, a Boolean search is when you use "AND" and / or "OR" to seek out content (on a search engine, in a document, etc.). See? Most of you probably already knew what it was without actually knowing what it was. Here's an example: typing in "Pirillo AND Lockergnome" will find documents / entries containing both of the words. Typing in "Pirillo OR Lockergnome" will uncover documents containing either one of them. Boolean search is based on Boolean logic, developed by the late mathematician (and computer geek), George Boole. Explaining it would mean getting into some heavy math, and it's been a while since I've seen that episode of School House Rock.
Bottleneck
*Honk* C'mon, let's go! Lousy Des Moines rush hour. Now it's going to take me an extra five minutes to get home. While I brace myself from those who live in large cities with real traffic problems, I'll get to today's term: bottleneck. That's what happens when there's a delay in transmission, say, over a TCP/IP network (although it can refer to any instance where data is slowed down). Here's what I mean: If you're running on 56k and trying to download a heavy graphic file, you'll most likely encounter a bottleneck. Don't worry, it's happened to the best of us. If your system slows down, yelling at it won't help, just like it won't help when you're stuck in traffic. It will make you feel a whole lot better, though.
Browser Helper Objects
I've stressed several times that if you're overly concerned (read: obsessed) about your privacy, the Internet may no longer be the place to loiter. There's a paradox at work here: in offering a slicker online experience, some companies need (or would like) to know a little more about who you are. That's why BHOs (Browser Helper Objects) are either really great or really, uh... not great (depending on how they're used). A BHO is a separate program that runs concurrently with your browser and performs a specific set of tasks, such as managing downloads. In order to 'help,' data may need to be transmitted from your computer to another. It's during this little exchange when your profile may be in jeopardy. This is why it's wise to scope out a site's privacy policy before embarking on any software installation. Now, because BHOs may run as a part of Internet Explorer or Netscape Navigator, you may experience a problem with IE -- when there's actually a bug with your BHO (and we all know how painful that can be). It should be noted that most BHOs intend to help, although they're not always 100% perfect. If you believe there may be a problem related to one, ask someone who knows. That's good advice in any circumstance.
Buffer
Wow, thanks for the fuzzy sponge, but when I said my computer needed a buffer, that's not quite what I meant. Ya see, a buffer is a data area that is shared by hardware devices and programs, all of which run at different speeds and have different priorities. The buffer doesn't necessarily speed things up, instead, it lets everything do its job without being held up by other processes. Of course, there are also those cool floor buffers you always saw the janitor using when you were in junior high. I hear they're a lot of fun to spin around on.
Bulletin Board System
When "sysop" (system operator) was defined, I failed to mention that it stems from BBS ("bulletin board system") jargon. A sysop would be the person in charge of a particular BBS. So... now I should define BBS, right? Right. A bulletin board system is a remote host which allows you to view, share, and swap files and messages. There are plenty of BBSes to choose from, and every one is dedicated to a specific topic. Okay, some of them are general interest, too -- but you get the idea. Most bulletin board systems work independently, but there are still a few operating within Web sites. That's the tenth push pin I've broken today.
Burn
A lot of you newbies seem to appreciate these new technical terms I've been featuring, and that's great. It's good to refresh yourself on terminology -- even when you THINK you already know it all. The other day, Gretchen asked me to burn her a CD... and I did just that. Do you know how hot you have to make the oven before the CD starts to melt? "Uh... Chris? That's not what I meant." Oops... heh. She really wanted me to copy content to a CD-ROM using my CD-R (Compact Disc Recorder). In our world, that's how the word "burn" is interpreted. Anytime you put files, music, pictures, or whatnot onto a CD, you're burning. Pretty simple, huh? Sometimes the simplest terms can slip right through that big ol' brain of mine. Oh, and I don't encourage the cooking of any piece of metal. Makes your brownies taste like magnets. Not that I've ever eaten magnets, mind you.
