We're not talking about slipping a Mickey in her Coke here. This is serious business--if you really want some help doing business. Divided into numerous categories, such as food and drink, drugs, spices, and scents and perfumes, this comprehensive site guides you through the substances whose efficacy is doubted by the FDA. The aphrodisiacs, ranging from onions to oysters, are discussed intelligently in chemical and cultural contexts. For real connoisseurs prepared to contribute information, there's also the password-protected Aphrodisiacs Exchange. And just in case you've always wondered, the Spanish Fly is the emerald-green blister beetle. - David Pescovitz
Thou ruttish tickle-brained clack-dish! Thou fobbing fly-bitten manikin! Thou wanton mad-bread harpy! Thou lewd fen-sucked fustilarian! Want some more? Can you take it? Visit the simple yet profound Random Shakespeare Curse Generator, and thou, sorry, you, will be insulted as many times as you like in the words of the Bard himself. You thought curses were ugly in your neighborhood? Thou puking idle-headed lout! Thou weedy full-gorged pumpion! Snap, snap. - David Pescovitz
The Web is haven and heaven for fringe-dwelling kooks, weirdos, crackpots, and loonies. Want proof? Visit the OuterNet once a week for a link to the fringes of reason online. Paranoid of an alien visit? Maybe you need UFO Abduction Insurance (http://www.gslink.net/~ufo/). Never seen an exploding whale? Well, now you have (http://www.xmission.com/~grue/whale/). Each week, a weird site is reviewed in intelligent prose, with a rating system of up to five '50s lovers as the icons. A back list is provided if you've got catching up to do, and a Gallery of the Weird is on the way. Nuts unite! - David Pescovitz
"You are Keanu Reeves, and you just want to be an actor. But Hollywood doesn't always cooperate...." That's the theme behind this oddly intriguing Internet game. It's Choose Your Own Adventure meets Johnny Mnemonic! Click from page to page as you try to make it to Hollywood, find a place to crash, secure an agent, audition for gigs, and so on and so on. Gosh, getting famous is hard! Complete with images of the man himself, sound files, and more options than a William Gibson book, this site is annoying but appealing. Sort of like ... Keanu? - David Pescovitz
Celebrity grave sites are like magnets. Scott Stanton knows this. He's the host of Tombstone Tourist, your guide to the locations where you can "get within six feet" of your favorite star. Musicians. Politicians. Pop culture icons. Andy Gibb. Spencer Tracy. Buddy Holly. Scott will take you there through the magic of photography and informative obits in the Grave site of the Month section. You can also be the first on your block to order Scott's book, Tombstone Tourist - Vol. 1 The Musicians. "This fantastic volume contains over 200 photos, 200 exact grave locations, birth certificates, funeral processions, hidden grave locations, suicide notes...." People are just dying for a visit from Scott. - David Pescovitz
This is the first site to make me laugh out loud (who wouldn't after seeing a backwards version of the Psychic Friends Network page?). Basically, what we have here is a filter: Enter a Web address and the page comes back retro. Granted, the joke is limited and wears thin after a couple of surfs in reverse. But the point is to "introduce a little surreal silliness into your day," which is easily done when it involves your most familiar sites turned on their ears. The rest of the site is dedicated to your favorite far-out Britcom and mine, Red Dwarf. - Ismael Marrero
Poor Mr. Hooper! Did Bert really kill him, as our host Dino the Good suggests? Compromising photos of this demonized muppet make up the site's bulk, along with testimony from pal Ernie and spokesfrog Kermit. Jeffrey Dahmer himself makes an appearance (the correspondence they exchange borders on the gruesome), and the world's most recognizable unibrow is even likened to the Unabomber. The Shoot Me Up Elmo doll, though, is a winner. Links to the CIA, FBI, and other shady outfits make this site the locked door at the bottom of the stairs--you know you shouldn't, but you have to. - Ismael Marrero
You've heard it a million times: Be the first on your block.... For years, advertisers have made this hollow promise, but now someone means it in a literal sense. "Stake your claim with Lands of the Universe. Be one of the first to claim Land on Mars," they say. That's right, the planet Mars. Not that there's anything you could do with your property once you've bought it. Not that any official agency will ever believe or honor your claim to the property. And let's face facts: If Mars were really for sale, the bidding war would come down to Bill Gates, Michael Jackson, and the Disney Corporation. But at least you get a certificate suitable for framing. - Gary Barker
Oh, my stars and garters! Or, to put it another way, yuck. There's something insidious about cuteness that makes those of us who are appalled by it seem unduly harsh. It's like picking a fight with a floppy-eared, fluffy bunny rabbit to criticize anything that is, on its face, completely harmless. This site is built around the premise that it belongs to a exhibitionist house cat named Roscoe (who built this site himself, by the way, without the benefit of opposable thumbs) so any interested parties could get their jollies looking at a live picture of his litter box (updated every 10 seconds), waiting for him to take one of his frequent dumps. Who knew feline excretions could be made adorable? - Gary Barker
Kurt Cobain was murdered. Maybe. This site is maintained by Tom Grant, a P.I. hired by the pre-widowed Courtney Love to find Cobain when he was reported missing from rehab a week before his death. Though all involved parties say Cobain killed himself, Grant maintains narcissistic heroin-junkie Courtney had her husband whacked, and others among his close friends and family were participants in the convoluted plot. If Grant is both sane and honest (who are we to judge?), the information provided here in long stretches of text supports his premise. If Grant is either deranged or dishonest (again, who are we to judge?), then his credibility is nil. The site is interesting and provocative in either case. - Gary Barker
This is a scathing lampoon of the sort of religious fanaticism that prefers piety to reality and delights in the delivery of brimstone brickbats. If you've ever been assured of your hellfire future by someone without a shred of humanity, then you'll enjoy reading the good Sister's skewed explanations of sin and virtue. She lives in a world where mutilation (or shock therapy) is preferable to masturbation, where girls who chew gum in school are sluts, where the TV show "Touched By An Angel" is pornographic, where women who speak in church are lesbians, and where teenagers are casually disowned and discarded if they do not conform. The site is decorated with photos of debauched dolls and action figures. - Gary Barker
Site of the month!!
Wake up from a dream And everybody's gap-toothed. Praise God it's Heaven! Just a little haiku courtesy of Noel Franus, the driving force behind Gap-toothed.com, a digital salute to anyone out there--famous or otherwise--who can slide a nickel through their front teeth without scraping enamel. You folks with watertight bridgework may not get it, but those of us who can whistle through our grins are a proud lot. And with good reason; some of the best among us are sporting spitting gaps. Don't believe me? Just have a gander at Franus' G-List. Mohammed Ali has a spitting gap, as do subsequent champs Leon Spinks, Mike Tyson, and Evander Holyfield. James Brown--the Godfather of Soul--is on the list. So are Elvis Costello, Ray Davies, and Chili Pepper bassist Flea. In Hollywood, there's Sam Shepherd, Samuel L. Jackson, James Earl Jones, Ernest Borgnine--too many to mention. Gaps are a fixture in pop culture. Who would Alfred E. Neuman, the face of Mad Magazine, be without his gap? And David Letterman? Even the Pope has one! And it's not just a boy's club, either. Nosirree. Some of the proudest diastematics are women. You've got Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, comedienne Sandra Bernhard, pop vixen Madonna, and, of course, the all-time queen of the gap-toothed, Lauren Hutton. It's an alluring feature in a woman, you know, suggestive of a smoldering sexuality. Ever since Chaucer described the Wife of Bath as "gap-toothed and lusty," men have been drawn to women with gaps. Given this mystique, is it any wonder that Franus took the time to build this site, or that he chose to spearhead the protest against the Vince Lombardi commemorative stamp? After all, that the stamp hides Lombardi's pronounced gap is an affront to diastematics everywhere. Ask yourself: Would Lombardi--football prophet and A-1 American mensch--have coined his immortal admonition to "run to daylight" had it not been for the daylight twixt his very choppers? Think about it. And while you're at it, here's another haiku for you: A facial tingling, A sharp pain between your eyes... Looks like you've been gleeked. - Patrick Joseph