100 responses to "How are you?"
Written July 7th, 2009.
How do you answer? This question has become a ubiquitous greeting in our society and just as prevalent is the humdrum "good", "fine", "meh", etc. In a flash of inspiration and a dash of cash, I collected one hundred unusual comebacks. None of these are edited and the only rule was to be upbeat. The "NOTE" texts are from the authors, not me.

  1. I'm just peachy keen!
  2. Greetings, may you live long & prosper. (NOTE: I usually go for Hello as greeting, and then follow up with the How are you or How are you doing.)
  3. Fair to middling, mostly middling.
  4. Even better than the real thing.
  5. employed!
  6. I am better than heaven today!
  7. Thankfully alive and still somewhat young and healthy, in this economy what more can I ask for?
  8. I'm unbelievable!
  9. Fine and dandy as long as no one else boogers up my day!
  10. Super Duper!!
  11. I am fantastic and feeling astonishingly glorious. (NOTE: I like this one a lot.)
  12. Happier than a cat in a room full of catnip.
  13. I am a little overstuffed. And you?
  14. Just happy to be above ground.
  15. I am feeling happier than ever!!
  16. I'm decent baby, flier than a pelican as Lil Wayne might say...
  17. Upright and still breathing. You?
  18. Cool as a cucumber
  19. Bouncy and ready to go!
  20. Splendedly Spectacular!
  21. So you say.
  22. I am fantabulous!
  23. Purely golden.
  24. In the Newtonian or quantum mechanical sense?
  25. If I were an better, there'd have to be two of me.
  26. Hopefully not as good as I'll ever be.
  27. Couldn't be better
  28. I'd be better if I won the lottery
  29. peachy
  30. Other then my lumbero just fine Darling.
  31. Not dead yet!
  32. Living the dream!
  33. Fabulous!
  34. I'm about as excited as a parking spot!
  35. Just dandy! I have sworn off use of the word "awesome" because I work with someone who's been no less than "awesome" for five years, which of course is impossible. (NOTE: How many people believe that when someone asks, "How are you?" they really want to know - hmmmm.)
  36. well and fine and good.
  37. I must be OK because my name was not in today's obituaries!
  38. I can't complain... I've tried, but no one listens.
  39. I am wonderfully giddy.
  40. Worse than yesterday but better than tomorrow
  41. I am better than yesterday and not as good as I will be tomorrow.
  42. As long as I can keep the kitten I found today, I'll be fine!
  43. i am fine but genneraly enterjetic
  44. Flying high, man, flying high (NOTE: Give us more questions like this!)
  45. old enough to know better
  46. and how's your dog?
  47. Pretty fly for a white guy...taking life one punch at a time! (NOTE: Life is better than the alternative...smile!)
  48. "Standing in the eye of the storm." (NOTE: My husband always answers this way. It refers to the eye of a tornado, which is still while the winds swirl around. When he says it in response to "how are you," he means that right now things are calm but that there's all this activity swirling around you and things may change at any moment.)
  49. Still among the living!
  50. I am sailing on the sea of love.
  51. "Blood pressure 120/80, respiration 16, CBC and Chem Panels normal."
  52. If I were any better, Warren Buffett would buy me.
  53. I am still breathing.
  54. i am unique and me.
  55. How goes it?
  56. As good as a kipper in the sea.
  57. I'm Super dee duper.
  58. I am absolutely fine, in florida, its hot and awesome!!
  59. I am fine as a frogs hair.
  60. Ebullient and full of alacrity.
  61. This is my lucky day!!!
  62. I still am.
  63. Amazing and happy
  64. I am better today than yesterday, which is better than the day before that! :)
  65. I am not doing so well today, my cat went on the roof, my car door will not open and my head hurts other than that I am great
  66. worn out from doing good things
  67. My Indian name isn't "Are You", it's Struggling Turtle"
  68. I am as as rich in spirit as Michael Jackson was famous. (NOTE: Well that answer might be true if I has a place to live that was decent and an income. lol)
  69. Delicous. You?
  70. I am dandy, thank you for asking! How are you today?
  71. Wonderful
  72. I'm not unwell thank you
  73. Feeling lucky and living large
  74. Better than yesterday!
  75. How am I? The better question would be, "Why are you?"
  76. just ducky, quack, quack. you?
  77. I am doing so fabulous today! I can hardly control myself from dancing.
  78. As fine as a tree with oranges and grapes!
  79. I am as fine as a hot brand new 2010 Camaro!
  80. Must be doing pretty since I woke up on this side of the grass instead of under it.
  81. I'm my usual devil may care self; nothing ever changes.
  82. All banana-breaded out!
  83. Quite well. And how is it that you are?
  84. Better than yesterday, not sure about tomorrow.
  85. strange and getting stranger
  86. Superfantastic! (NOTE: Saying the word make you end in with a smile.)
  87. I'm in tip top shape, how are you?
  88. Just ducky! (NOTE: I alternate between 'peachy' & 'ducky'. People find it memorable.)
  89. I am psyching myself up for a load of playdates this week!
  90. Still keepin' up with the kids!
  91. I am currently in a wonderfully-post-orgasm-and-chocolate-milk creative mood. (NOTE: Funny, what type of give us the desire to create things. Live, Love, Laugh.)
  92. I'm still pleasantly pushing a pulse, thanks for asking. How are you? (NOTE: Interesting HIT, thanks for the grin.)
  93. Well I did just swallow a rather large and strange looking insect, but I hear they're full of protein. So I guess I'm great.
  94. Am fine unless these exams are not very tough.
  95. Well, I'm not in prison. I'm not in the hospital. I'm not in the grave. So I reckon I'm fairing along pretty well. (NOTE: Limited Souther expression)
  96. Fine as frog hair and twice as fuzzy.
  97. FINE - fickle insecure neurotic and emotional, as usual (NOTE: for bad days - f***ed up insane neurotic and emotional.)
  98. In the normal sense or the Cartesian sense?
  99. I'm feelin' like a good luck magnet today, everything is coming my way!
  100. From what I hear, I am very good.

Okay, so some of these are a bit duplicate, but consider changing your own response to one of these and see what happens.
On Jan 18th, 2010, Walter said...how about an update on some of these... i've seen another few lying around the web on my travels..

#101: ok, but i'll be better when i see you smile...

On Jan 5th, 2012...My favorite - "I'm great. I'll even proveid references/"

On Aug 15th, 2012, Gary Swing said...My typical responses to "How are you?" are:

"I'm endeavoring to persevere." 

or "I appear to be functioning within normal parameters." (stolen from Data, Star Trek Next Generation)

On Nov 20th, 2012, Scott Kirwan said...I useally use alive or

On Nov 20th, 2012, Scott Kirwan said...Existing some times I use I'm dead and looking for brains thow none here I work at pep boys


On Dec 10th, 2012...How are you? "Better -n- nuttin!"
That one is older than dirt. My grandparents used it 40 years ago.

On Apr 4th, 2013...In bed? Excellent. You?

On Aug 9th, 2013..."If I was any better vitamins would be taking me!"

"I'm alive and kicking!"

"I'm happy to be alive!"

"I'm great, and yourself?"

"I'm well! And how are things in your neck of the woods?"

On Nov 3rd, 2013...How about "If I was any finer I'd be china"

On Nov 9th, 2013, FOGonline said..."Not bad for an old fool."

On Feb 13th, 2014, Angela Cure said...Never too far from my smile!"

On Jun 11th, 2015, Dhaha said ... "Not bad, still converting Carbon-dioxide into Oxygen. :)"