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Dishonesty
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Trust your instincts, they will seldom fail you. Watch for
passive language, frequent use of certain words (would, could,
should and might) and statements that are written as questions.
These can all indicate a lack of commitment. Pay attention to
choppy sentences and stories where all extraneous detail has
been edited out. Lies are often well rehearsed, so the writer
only includes the essential information. Take a relatively
conservative approach to this issue. If you think someone is
lying, act as thoug h they are. Move on to someone you trust.
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Guard Your Anonymity
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Never include your last name, real email address, home
address, phone number, place of work, or any other
identifying information in your profile or initial emails.
Stop communicating with anyone who pressures you for this
information or attempts in any way to trick you into
revealing it. Take all the time you need to become
comfortable with someone. Ask questions and make sure you
are satisfied with the answers. Trust your instincts, move
cautiously and be selective.
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You Are Never Obligated To Meet Someone
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The beauty of getting to know someone online is that you can
gradually collect information and then make a choice about
pursuing the relationship in the real world. You are never
obligated to meet anyone, regardless of your level of online
intimacy. And even if you do decide to arrange a meeting, you
always have the right to change your mind. It's possible that
your decision to keep the relationship at the anonymous level
is based on a hunch that you can't logically explain. This is
entirely appropriate and must be respected. Never meet someone
who argues against your instincts, finds logical flaws with
your feelings or pressures you in any way.
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Report Questionable Behavior to Match.Com
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Match.Com is dedicated to providing you with a comfortable
and friendly environment for meeting new friends and potential
romantic partners. Your experiences, positive or negative, are
important to us. We encourage you to immediately report any
questionable or inappropriate behavior. Send an email to
feedback@match.com and include specific details so we can
respond appropriately.
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First Date Safety Overview
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You can never be absolutely positive about someone's
background, motives or future behavior. With that in mind,
if you are going to err, it must be on the side of caution.
Never agree to meet someone if you feel at all unsure or
afraid. Pay attention to your suspicious instincts, even if
the facts don't seem to merit the concern. When you do decide
to meet someone, proceed very carefully. Always make sure
that a friend or family member knows about your date, and
arrange to check in with them when you arrive home.
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Select The Safest Possible Environment
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Meet in a public place at a time when many people are present.
A familiar restaurant or coffee shop is fine, but not at
midnight. Never meet at one of your homes or places of
employment. Avoid hikes, bike rides, or drives in remote
areas for the first few dates. If you decide to move to
another location, take your own car. Make sure you end the
date while there are still other people present.
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When Traveling From Another Location
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If you are flying in from another area, arrange for your
own car and a hotel room. Do not disclose the name of your
hotel and never allow your date to make the arrangements for
you. Rent a car at the airport and drive directly to your
hotel. Call your date from the hotel or meet at the location
you have already agreed to. If the location seems
inappropriate or unsafe, go back to your hotel. Try to
contact your date at that location, or leave a message on a
home machine. When traveling from another location, always
make sure that a friend or family member knows of your plans
and has contact information.
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Go Easy On The First Meeting
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Don't plan an entire day together. Meet for one activity and
keep it at an hour or two. Stay away from any intense issues
or conversations. Don't interrogate your date, but do use
this time as an opportunity to learn a bit more. Have fun
and keep things light, but pay attention. When the timing is
appropriate, thank your date for getting together and say
good-bye. You may be asked about getting together again.
Answer honestly. It's OK to decline an additional date.
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Watch For Red Flags
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Be aware that unhealthy or dangerous people often hide behind
exemplary behavior. Your date's behavior is unpredictable and
there are never guarantees, but there are some warning signs.
Pay attention to any displays of anger, intense frustration or
attempts at pressuring or controlling you. Acting in a
passive-aggressive manner, making demeaning or disrespectful
comments or any physically inappropriate behavior are all red
flags.
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Getting Out Of A Jam
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Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you are in any
way afraid of your date, use your best judgment to diffuse
the situation and get out of there. Excuse yourself long
enough to call a friend for advice, ask someone else on the
scene for help, or slip out the back door and drive away. If
you have to, call the police. It's always better to be safe
than sorry. Never worry or feel embarrassed about your
behavior. Your safety is much more important than one
person's opinion of you.
Trish McDermott
Do you have a strategy or tip for other members?
Let us know.
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