the mirror


NrrdGrrl! Discussion Forum: Lives and Confessions: the mirror
By Shampoo on Tuesday, May 5, 1998 - 09:46 pm:

Okay, so I have this thing where every time I pass by something reflective (mirror, window, etc), I have to look in. It's not like I'm vain or anything, cuz most of the time I don't even like what I see and just end up making myself all depressed and stuff. But I still do it - every time I pass a car I look in the window to see my reflection. I go shopping and I look in the mirror. I go the bathroom and I look in the mirror. I'm sitting in class and I bring out my compact. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?! I don't even like how I look! Is this some subconcious way of punishing myself, or of trying to reassure myself that I'm not the beast I think I am, or maybe I think too much of myself, or what?!?! Does anyone else ever do this, and how can I stop? I guess I obsess about my looks a little too much. I saw a picture at lunch today, and it wrecked my whole day! But people like me even if I'm not beautiful or anything, so I guess I have nothing to worry about then, right? Do looks really matter? What about with the guys?

Anybody?


By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 5, 1998 - 10:26 pm:

Looks certainly don't matter here, but they do in person, no matter how much we don't want them to.

They don't matter that much, though, to many of us.

What is it you are looking for when you look at yourself? What are you thinking about? What are you evaluating?

Maybe understanding that will help you understand why you are doing it.


By Just-for-kicks on Wednesday, May 6, 1998 - 08:25 am:

Hey,Shampoo - I do exactly the same thing. Everywhere I go, I have to look in a mirror just to make sure I don't look as totally hideous as I think I do. Therefore, I guess it must be a mental prob. Thing is, every single girl I know (especially at school with the blokes around) does it too. Even the least vain I-couldn't-give-a-damn people. Even girls who go to single sex schools. I think it's an image thing, and also, not 'cos you're vain - 'cos you're not admiring yourself - it's just to check out your reflection and to make any adjustments so you can look your best (even if that is a little hard with loads of stunning people around). Your friends like you for who you are. Don't fret. It's a grrl thing.


By Just-for-kicks on Wednesday, May 6, 1998 - 08:32 am:

Er, what's happened here? My message came out all jumbled. Well anyway, what I'm trying to say is, don't worry, it's totally natural. Nearly everyone does the same.OK?


By Shampoo on Wednesday, May 6, 1998 - 06:38 pm:

I dunno, I don't think it's normal. I mean, it's okay to go to the bathroom every once in a while to check your hair, or bring your mirror out in class to check if your safety goggles messed up your eye make-up. But when you look into *everything* even a little bit reflective, I don't think it's normal. Today I tried to walk past a window without looking in it. It was very very very hard for me to do, I had to concentrate really hard not to look in that direction.

Anonymous - I dunno what I look for, really. I guess being around so many nice looking people at school (they're nice looking in my eyes, at least), i need to check out my own looks to prove that I'm not any less then them. Usually it has the opposite effect, though. I'm either thinking "see? i'm not that bad" or "oh my god, how can i live with myself?", depending on how I look.

IT'S LIKE A COMPULSION!! An addiction or something, I can't stop. I never used to be so preoccupied with my looks, I don't know why I am now. I always thought I was a girl who went against the stats I didn't care about looks or clothes or makeup. But now I'm worse about it then anyone else!!!


By Eliste on Wednesday, May 6, 1998 - 11:27 pm:

well, I must say that I dont do that. I actually avoid most mirrors. who knows....


By Violet on Friday, May 8, 1998 - 04:50 pm:

I agree with just-for-kicks. I really think it's just a thing, not a problem. It's only a problem if you always start getting down about your looks. then you just gotta find something you like and concentrate on it (your eyes, your white teeth, WHATEVER)

Don't stress so much.


By Shampoo on Saturday, May 9, 1998 - 12:58 am:

So I shouldn't worry about it? Sounds good, thanks!

What about the other part? Do looks really matter when looking for guys? Do they really care? Cuz most of the guys I know, all they can think about is superficial stuff like that. I know that I never judge a person by their looks, but I don't know about other people, and looks do matter to me a little bit, so I just don't know...


By Harleigh on Saturday, May 9, 1998 - 01:49 am:

In my opinion,most guys care how you look,but don't notice the details that we do and therefore cannot apprieciate what we go through to look good.I think women dress and primp for themselves and for the sake of other women.In a stupid competition sort of way.I personally look good for me-just makes me feel better about myself.


By Do Dah on Saturday, May 9, 1998 - 10:07 pm:

when i walk by reflective surfaces i have to look because it gives me self confidence. my legs are my favorite body part and i know i look hot when i see me walking by the shop windows or mirrors or freshly-washed cars.


By Helen on Monday, May 11, 1998 - 04:19 pm:

Blokes do care about looks. It`s a scientific fact. But it`s not necessarily good to be gorgeous- one of my friends is absolutley stunning but the 'normal' guys all seem to be scared of her. She only attracts users and superficial slimeballs. <sigh>
I think in these days of the empowered woman, personality matters a LOT LOT more.


By Que_ on Monday, May 11, 1998 - 07:04 pm:

Ok....so far everyone in here has been saying how they *do* look in reflective surfaces when they pass.....but then there's me....I AVOID mirrors at all costs. I'm not ugly, in fact people have told me i'm beautiful (but that doesn't matter here) and I still don't like to look in the mirror. Unless I am absolutely alone. I feel so uncomfortable looking at myself in mirrors at department stores (not in fitting rooms, that's ok). This is a problem when I need to see what I possible new hat looks like on me or something....I always look for just a split second, get uncomfortable and then look away and wrip the hat off.

What the heck it wrong with *me* you guys??? My one friend is always staring at herself, even when I'm in the bathroom with her....for some reason it was especiallly in those situations when I didn't want to make eye contact with myself. Insecurity perhaps? But I'm not really that insecure..just a little. Got any explanations?


By Kate on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 09:00 am:

Help!

When I look in a mirror, I always look WORSE than I thought I did, and photos of me make mee look so AWFUL. So it seems like I go round constantly thinking that I am better looking than I really am. Does anyone else ever feel like this? Just seeing my reflection or photo always gives me a nasty shock

Kate


By Shampoo on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 07:43 pm:

exactly the same way. like i'll do my make up in the morning under the nice light of my bathroom and it'll look really good and everything and i'll be all "i'm irresistable". but then i'll get to school and look in a car window and be all "oh my god!". pictures of me are even worse. they always make me look *so* bad! i don't know what to trust - my mirror or the car window or the picture!!!!


By Violet on Wednesday, May 13, 1998 - 08:02 pm:

I HATE CAMERAS!!!

Shampoo~~ I know what you mean about the nice bathroom lights. Also, though, I think that everyone is WAY harder on themselves than anyone else is. You are your on worst critic. Also,

Kate~~ I know all about thinking you look better than you really do. I always imagine myself as being fairly pretty, and then when I actually see myself I look TOTALLY different.

Que~~ why are you so down on yourself? can't you see SOMETHING you like about yourself? I hate dressing room mirrors too though (this is a girl who once broke into TEARS while trying on bathing suits) But, I'm not too good at advice, so I hope you ease off on yourself a little.


By Que_ on Thursday, May 14, 1998 - 01:44 pm:

I'm not sure if I can't look at mirrors because I'm "down on myself" or what it is...I just feel so uncomfortable looking in the mirror unless I'm sure I'm alone!!! And I guess there are some things I like about myself, but I somehow don't see that as connected with why I can't seem to look in the mirror.....

I don't know, it's a strange beast, this whole "refection" thing...


By Laurel on Monday, May 18, 1998 - 08:35 pm:

I hate photographs of myself too. Whenever my mom gives me a photo of myself I tell her to burn the negative. I think I can look good on a normal day if I work at it but I never seem to look good in pictures, why?


By Helen on Wednesday, May 20, 1998 - 04:08 pm:

I *only* look in mirrors after 12pm....I always seem to look really bad in the mornings. I guess that`s one advantage of going to an all girls school though- I don`t HAVE to look good.


By Laurel on Wednesday, May 20, 1998 - 08:13 pm:

Helen: I'm not sure anybody looks good first thing in the morning. : )


By Lane G on Monday, June 29, 1998 - 07:26 am:

Ok, Ok looks do matter, it's annoying yes, but it is so true....as for the mirror i do that ALL the time, it's like some freakout obsessive compulsive disorder or whatever, huh.
xxx
szia
Lane


By Oirio on Tuesday, June 30, 1998 - 12:46 pm:

Helen,i really dont think any-one looks well first thing in the mornin'.It takes a lotta work to make the finished product look decent .......no matter how gorgeous you are !!!

_ oirio


By Shampoo on Wednesday, July 1, 1998 - 02:50 am:

Me in the morning... is not a pretty sight. It takes a long time, lots of hot water, hair stuff, and makeup to look presentable. Or I could go the other way - wake up late, throw some clothes on and go to school wearing sunglasses that hide my face and get "you are so stoned" comments from everything (puffy red eyes without make up to cover 'em).

Hey, ever notice that when girls aren't wearing make up and asleep, that we look very much alike? I was at a sleepover and had a hard time telling who was who except for hair colour. Great, isn't it? It's like, underneath all that make up and hair we're all the same... hmm...


By Sunshine on Friday, September 18, 1998 - 06:35 pm:

To me its like important to be well groomed..i am all for that...and i think that a guy should not like a girl for how she looks like if she is pretty or not but should like girls for being well groomed u know like washing&combing hair,teeth,ect. ect.,then he knows that they care abou themselves.And also of course the guy should like the girl cause of her inside.But i think that some girls get carried away with all tryin to look good....like wearin so much makeup...a little makeup is okay to bring out your features...but coverin up your whole face with so much makeup its like its not u, are some one else.
I personally don't wear any makeup except for special occasions and when i do its not alot.Yea,
i would love to see everybody come to school without makeup and see what everyone else looks like.I don't think everyone would look alike but they would look different but thats the makeup cause that changes the way u look.I don't look that bad without makeup at least it don't think so..........i could use it but like i have dark hair,dark eyes,and dark eyelashes...so don't need the mascara thing.Thank u,cause i remember so many times when i see people coming to school without them knowing,with smeared mascara,across their face.Its kinda halirous.
:)Sunshine:)


By Sunshine on Monday, September 21, 1998 - 06:15 pm:

Shampoo,i get what your sayin about how some people look all the same without there makeup like there is this girl who went to my school and she wore all this makeup and then like for the first time last week she didn't wear any of it.She didn't look at all like the same person and looked like i can't explain it but just different.The reason why i think she wore all that makeup is to look like she doesn't take drugs.When she took all the makeup off u could tell she did(but i already know she does anyway).
But like when people are on drugs especially for long periods of time,and high quanitites u can tell by there face...at least with the guys u can with the girls u can't cause of all the makeup.
:)Sunshine:)


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