STRANGE  MUSIC

by Margaret Miller Finch



I am 2 years old. I climb the ladder into the big kid's tree house. The leaves moving serpentine between the bamboo poles rasp cool scales on the fibrous wood. This is strange music. Strange music I have never heard before. I step backward from the threshold of the playhouse; first the hiss of leaves on wood, then a resounding round sound, the hollow timpani of my head hitting the ground.
I've got my ear pressed hard against memory

Loud voices slamming doors alarm clocks buzzing, the electric hum of the refrigerator the electric hum in the ears of a child underwater in the bathtub and the sound of the T.V. upon surfacing. Cicadas whirling and plaintive singing That's All Right Mama, Silent Night. Leaves against wood. My mother's shrill yell Get the hell out of here and the heavy wet sound of a gallon of milk hitting the concrete floor. The rattle-tapping of an electric typewriter, Stop your crying what are you crying about. The sound a dark room makes waiting for Mother to come home. You're so strange, you're so ugly, you're so stupid, you're so fat, you look just like your mother, you act just like your mother, you have her eyes. You have her smile. Schubert played slowly by unsure hands. The sound of my own voice in my head singing Country Roads for Dad, playing along on a cheap guitar quite earnest, and the gong of his laughter until I fall silent. What are you crying about? Stop your crying. Scared voices of grown men sound hollow through the phone long distance. The lilt of sarcasm in my sister's voice, You would do something like that wouldn't you. And you're waiting, waiting, waiting, for some one to say your name out loud, waiting for someone to say something nice; can you say something nice Is this some kind of joke?, slamming down the phone. I sense that you are getting agitated is there something we can do to keep you from getting angry?

The leaves rasp cool scales on wood...familiar music; there is no sound until the wind sets things to moving and things fall.




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