For two long and lonely years, I have been doing cutting rituals to alleviate my depression and my anger. It's definitely not a healthy way to vent my rage but it can be far more addicting than on-line addiction and cigarettes. I quitted a couple of months ago but constantly I have to battle my tempting cravings and distract myself with other things like sleep and walk. Life still is a drug-- you could say self-mutilation is a drug
No. It's really hard, but you have to go to SOMEONE for help. And although I'm new, none of us are it (the person who can help). If you can't trust your parents, you must have a friend, there are plenty of 1-800 numbers, a school counselor.
There was an article in the New York Times Sunday Magazine about a year or so ago. It dealt w/a teenaged girl's experience w/self mutiliation. It mentioned a specific treatment center & the reporter interviewed several other people at the center who were dealing w/it too. If you need help tracking down the cite, please let me know.
you're not alone...
to the first girl who posted- i know what you're dealing with- i used to cut myself too and it was so hard to stop.
To the first anyonymous poster: What is going on with you? I check this group every day to see if you're okay, and I haven't seen anything from you. Are you seeking any type of help? The cutting is indicative of a bigger problem, mine was depression. I worked through my issues, and I am incredibly happy now. I know you can be too. PLEASE post something so I know how you are.
Hey everyone..:o)
I'm going through the exact same thing. And NO, NOT EVERYBODY has someone to trust. I don't I just go through life with a blade in my hand and scars on my arms. Its normal for me. A place that might just help you realize you arent alone is :
:*(
I dunno, I feel so dirty. I am really numb, tears cannot escape because of this nothingness. The only things that roam my heart at this time are hope, hope that innocent beings who suffer at the hands of bad beings will overcome this evil and drive the darkness back into the ground. I've always felt responsible for any soul that undergoes pain...why? It makes no sense, but I feel terrible because I hate the thought of this pain hurting anyone else. I wish I could take it all from the suffering. If I had the power, I would take it from you.
SNOWPAWS
*blushes*
I don't understand...do you all want sypathy about doing it, or do you actually want sources for help?
I want neither, did I ask? Think about it next time before you use the word "all".
If it didn't apply to you, you didn't have to answer, but my previous question should have also included empathy... I have know people who had problems with cutting themselves and stabbing themselves to relieve stress they have overcome it now and i am trying to find out how they did it so maybe i can tell you all some thing to look into, if indeed you do want help...
Yes of course we want help.. but it needs to be recognized that it is a way of coping !!! We all survive in different ways whether through alcohol, bingeing , phobias , etc, it is all coping. Understanding why we do it is one step then working towards changing the pattern is another. I use to cut cause i felt dirty and worthless, out of control. A friend of mine did it because when she saw the blood she felt a release and it helped her to feel real cause she was so numb . We both are survivors of much abuse (sexual, physical and emotional.) This is a place to vent as well, so letting it all out Here is great therapy... this is another good way of coping!!!! It can prevent a person from cutting. And finding out you are not alone is so impt as well!!!
Oh by the way Titania, your message did come across as insensitive, but at least you wrote back and said you should have used the word empathy as well..... thanks
my best friend used to cut herself, and she stopped on her own, but i recently went to a pool with her and i saw cuts on her arms, they didn't look deep or life threatening, or REALLY 'fresh' (for lack of a better word), but they were definitely not the old scars. Should I say something to her? Will she want my help? If she does what can I do? Please let me know because I love her and I hate to see her hurt herself (although from reading what you girls said about it being a release and way of coping i think maybe it hurts me more than it hurts her), but I know I can't MAKE her stop.
I used to be a chronic self mutilator, I did everything possible to inflict pain and hurt on myself, I did this to punish myself for certain things I did which caused me to lose my control, I also found it temporarily released this tremendous pressure in my head, My cutting was relentless and addictive and became more and more serious each time I did it. Nobody tried to stop me, every cut had to be stitched, I was'nt once asked why I did it, it was just assumed that it was a sort of attention seeking behaviour. When my cutting got realy out of control I would attempt suicide which I did many times, in three years I had 59 admissions to hospital for self mutilation. I self mutilated myself for the last time, two years ago, I cut my jugular atery in my neck and for some reasen the blood suddenly freaked me out, I was shocked into reality, I also realised that even cutting my jugular was not enough and the release I got from cutting was just simply too temporary. After that I have never had an inclination to cut or harm myself again, I feel better for having stopped, I thought that my self hatred would get worse as I would'nt be punishing myself any more for my thoughts and behaviours, instead I feel proud of my self for acheiving something that I thought I would never acheive, I hope this helps.
What if you do it, and you don't see anything wrong with it? Does that make you even more fucked up? I'm not killing myself, I'm making myself feel better. Yeah, I may be hurting myself, but that's just it...I'm hurting MYSELF, so why should it concern anyone else?
Hello to the world of random strangers.
Hello all. I am glad the original girl is getting help and I like the idea of the "Suicide Club". ahha "freak friends" :) There should be something like that.. either online.. or where ever.
I've just read all you fab grrls messages, and I have to say that it brought a tear to my eye...
I can totally relate to everything you all have said. I have this black hollow ache inside that I can't fill. All I can say is I love all of you for being so honest and for sharing. It really really helps.
original Anonymous, congratulations, hang in there even if it gets tough, and I hope you reach your dreams.
Did you ever relate self-mutilation to hormones?I know it sounds cheezy but after reading the previous posts...I wonder.I never thought about it like that before.I went through this as a teenager,80's.It wasn't discussed then.I thought(along with all members of my family and friends)that I was crazy.You know what?I don't even know how I got on this page,just drawn to it for some reason.I'm just curious,do any of you that do this regularly have extreme female problems?I'm talkin SEVERE.Endometriosis?Do you get PMS and experience a rollercoaster of emotions?From violent to shy in seconds?Maybe you're like I was.My neice did this also and ironically has endometriosis.I had a hysterectomy because of cervical cancer at the age of 23.It's just a theory,anyway.Maybe you're looking for help in the wrong place and should be seen by the gyn.My heart goes out to all of you struggling to free yourselves,good luck.I hope you can find a way to release the pain another way,it's not worth it having to explain your scars later.I'll check back and see if anyone else thinks it's a possibility that hormones are the root of this pain.Believe me-the right amount of estrogen is what keeps you sane!!!Now ask my family!!
i havenb't read all of the above stated messages but i have read a few and it seems that almost everyone has a problem with cutting. i guess it's my turn. i am 17 and i have been cutting for 5 years. i don't even remember why i made that first vcut but ever since i did i haven't been able to stop. it's the most addicting drug i've ever done. i read somewhere that blood cleanses the soul and for cutters that is absolutely true.seeing the blood run down my arms or legs or hands is such a rush for me.i know that i have aproblem. my parents havesent me to counselors shrinks and what not but nothing's worked. i am hooked. i have starteds talking to a frew close firends and it seems that talking to theem is starting to work. it doesn't stop all the urges but it makes me feel a little less lonely and a little better about myself. maybe one day before my arms are covered with more scars then skin i will be able to stop. then i will be ok...until then i dunno.
I started cutting myself a month ago. I read about it in TEEN' magazine. I discovered that one could vent so much anger and frustration by self mutilation. My parents found out because I forgot I have those scratches on my arms and I wore a tank top one day. Now they hate me and they think I'm insane. If you are reading this and you think that self mutilators are insane, you are wrong. We are just people like you who are lonely and loveless. (I am anyway.) I don't need help, I need love.
I have a question. I have very high expectations placed on me (read valedictorian), and I when I act badly or make a mistake it really burns me up. But i don't slash myslef or anyting else - I just bite my hand till it really hurts. But it leaves no marks (once in a while bruises) and is not dangerous at all. It makes me feel better - is this self mutilation? Do I need to stop?
I wrote a few times before, and I'm really glad this topic is getting a lot of responses.
Hi. After reading all this, and other sites, I decided to get help. I'm pretty nervous about it, but...
Dear fellow victims,
I'm back,alive and praising the Lord!
I am glad you are doing well mech ,but there is no evil side, person or force causing anyone to self mutilate. It you are benefiting from god or jesus fine, but I think religion plays a big role in guilting people into believing this bull. Noone that self multilates are evil or bad!! ..... troubled, hurt ,lost, lonely, numb, frightened, abused or traumatized maybe, but certainly not evil or bad !!!!
I'm not saying self-mutilation is "bad" but it is unhealthy. You could get a nasty infection or accidentally open a vein and bleed to death. I'm not trying to be preachy or anything, it's just something people should think about. I cut my hands once when I had a fight with my family but fortunately I have not gotten addicted to it or anything and I never did it again. I also think it can be a problem if you cut yourself when you're in a bad mood because then when you feel better you might see the cut and remember how bad you felt. Then the bad mood would return. Vicious cycle, you know?
I have been a cutter for about two months.Only about 4 people know about it. People are ususally angry with me when they find out about my self-mutilation. They call me "weird and sick". I feel comfortable doing it. I think of self mut. as an "instant solution".
I had a 'small' problem with self harm, I never had to go to hospital, and I think it was half to relieve angre and maybe a bit of a cry for help. I used to be overweight and then lost some wight, but I still felt insecure and was really worried about getting fat. What can I say, I'm not vain - I was 12 then, I'm only 14 now, and being a fat kid is not easy. I moved schools at 11, lost the wight soon after, but it still haunted me and I had a lot of insecurity, because I felt I was still not thin enough - I never really had an accurate picture of myself in my mind. I wanted to hurt myself for being ugly, fat, never being able to stick to a diet, and I wanted people to know about it. It wasn't attention seeking, if I wanted attention I could dye my hair green or something. I wanted to say to people, this is how bad I feel about myself, please help me to reassure myself. I couldn't tell them that in words because they'd say I was being stupid. When people saw the cuts, I hoped they'd automatically realise - but I was naiive. some said I was an attention seeker, others just thought I was insane. People usually treated me gently but they never understood and I just couldn't tell them. They think I've stopped now and it's just blown over. I occasionally still do it when I get frustrated with my body, but I keep it secret because no-one really cares about anyone else's problems so the only solution seems to be to turn them in on yourself.
Dear demeter,
Dear Mech,
Look i was raised in a religion. Today i am opposed to how organized religions fuck with our heads. They are power hungry, manipulators, who try to tell you how to think and act and feel. They put you in slots and categories: The good category if you believe (that is do everything they say and believe as true) and the bad category if you don't. As for your list of bad people mech, i don't think things are so cut and dry as all that. You have to look at a more indept picture on why people are into doing all of this. But this is basically what religion does "If you lie , steal , etc then you are bad." well what about a hungry person who needs food and have no money because of deep poverty? Does that make him/her bad because she/he steals food? Religion is narrow. And i know what i'm talking about .. i've had to go that path. If someone gets something good out of it, good but stop trying to shove it down everyone's throat. You come off as really preachy. Even though you try to say you are not doing this, you do by saying that everyone else will agree with what you are saying about god and jesus and that path.(guilt inducement) . I don't care if millions of people disagree with me . I only need to know myself to validate myself. (you're just like a preacher in that high pedistoled pulpit") . I never said i had self mutilated myself , i have alot of compassion for those who do as i know many and support them through their times.
Yeah..... depession is anger turned inside out.... i've never thought of it that way...... i just wish i knew how to deal with it.
i'm a self mutilator have been for 6 years it's unhealthy i know i've been in mental hospitals [33 times] had shrinks [24] and been on [25!yes 25]diffrerent types of drugs!
My name is;Oirio and my pal is called;kate.
Cool ones, you BITCHES!! What the hell is wrong with you? How dare you say something like that? How is *cutting yourself* desperate? This has nothing to do with men or sex! These girls have got a *problem*, and all you can tell them is to get a man? Do you two just like being jerks? It's obvious you have no clue what self-mutilation *is*, or you wouldn't have said something so ignorant and stupid!!
JESUS CHRIST !!!!
" the cut worm dies in peace"
"William Blake" ,
I feel so bad for you and understand but will never know how hard this is for you....Just think of the achievement in giving it up when you really wanna do it, it'll show you just how strong you are...
I have the same prm here and i cut myself until i bleed and bleed dry my body covered with blood.. i was raped when i was little and finally i feel no pain anymore.
Oirio, I think what you should do is go to the library and find a book on this sort of thing, because obviously you have no clue what you're talking about. Here's a bit of advice: you are not a psychiatrist, and please don't trivialize problems like this "well i've been through stuff like that and *I* don't cut myself" well good for you! Obviously you're handling your "hard times" better then others. But you are not them and you haven't gone through what they have gone through, so you have absolutely no right to judge. Be careful of what you say on stuff like this, this is a delicate topic, and making the girls feel bad (ie: it is self inflicted) is not helping, only making the matter worse.
Shampoo you are so right on the target!! It is such a sensitive topic and very damaging with attitudes like Oirios. I wish all people well who mutilate... And there are many causes for it. Like the Anonymous mentioned being raped.. I hope you are doing well Anonymous. You handled Oirios very well. THANKS !!!!
Demeter: thanks!
hello everyone.
Whisperer,I'm not trying to be insensitive.Ok,something really bad did happen to you but cutting yourself wont help.Did you ever tell any member of your family wha happenad?? I mean in the words of some famous dude "A problem shared is a problem halved".Shampoo , i reakon you should go fuck yourself.How dare you say that !!May i just point a very odvious fact,you dont know me and you know nothin' about my life !!!You had the cheek to say i dont know what they've been through,well i happen to know and understand what they have been through.Dont you dare critise my opinion ,an opinion is never wrong.
Oirio, let *me* point out an obvious point to *you*. These girls came to this forum to ask for help on a problem. This is a very *serious* problem, seeing as they CUT THEMSELVES TO MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BETTER!! Here they are asking for help and telling their stories, and you and your little buddy Kate come along and tell them to get a lad! Don't you see anything wrong with this? Can you imagine how this would make you feel? You two didn't even bother sugar coating your reply, it was "get a life". You didn't show any sympathy or sensitivity.
PS: Oirio, you said an oppinion is never wrong. That is true, but there are a lot of oppinions that should just be kept to yourself because they can and *will* hurt others. If you can't find something uplifting and helpful to say, then just don't say anything.
Shampoo,For the sake of mentality i shall tell you this much i never have been and never will be a sympathetic person.As for my friends turning up with scars i know that a problem would never go that far with them,yes i do know them well enough to know that the wouldnt do it.Also they cut to feel better,Great,if i feel bad i buy a mars bar !!I think i pointed out already that "KATE " wrote they should get a life or a lad.I was'nt even here when she wrote that >>that had been pointed out already.If i want to say something about this topic i will,you making comments thatll get a insensitive awnser is really your own doing. I did blame these girls , no-one else put them up to it and regardless of what you say i wont change my view "You cant teach an old dog new tricks"
Oirio,
Lee,thanx for pointing that out , from here on in i will not bother to write anything as anything i say is always criticised and generally provokes an unpleasant awnser.Your life is your own do with it as you please. GOODBYE FOREVER!!
Oirio, don't try these little games on me. We've all been criticized at nrrdgrrl at one point or another (for example, check out "masturbation" and one of the other ones about homosexuals). Part of the fun of being here is getting to share idea's and oppinions. If every time someone said something others didn't like and we just went "well, that's your oppinion, you're allowed to have it", this would be a very boring webpage.
Hey, Shampoo & I have disagreed every now & then, but I agree w/her on this point.
to Lee-
hey Whisperer i'm glad you got the courage to open up about your cutting!!! Lee and shampoo : you GRRLS have said it all!!! Great insights!!!!
i was just wondering... does anyone else feel empty inside?? like you are so sad, but it's hard to be sad because you feel like you have no soul? i don't know... i guess i should stop feeling bad for myself, but it would make me feel better if someone else felt the same way i do.
to anon.4 .. i feel the same way.. and i can't sleep because of this.. sooo empty like there's a hole in me that nothing can satisfy it
I have felt like that (empty) since I was 11. It's like things hurt so much i made myself stop feeling. For me it's also like rotting, you know? Like the people I loved left and the space they left behind in my heart is decaying.
whisperer and marsha,
I understand completly. Do you cry for no reason? Your messages make me so sad because I can relate so much. Sometimes it's like I miss missing something because I pushed all my feelings away. Have you ever been truly happy for long periods of time? I was for a little while and then I made the stupid mistake of thinking that I would be happy wherever I went and now I can never go home. Sorry I know that made absolutly no sense to anybody reading this. I find one thing that helps is songs that express the way you're feeling. Do you have the new Garbage cd? If not get it and listen to track 4 and track 8. I think it helps.
sometimes i just cry because everything seems so helpless and the world is too shallow and apathetic. it seems like nothing can save me from being sucked up in... i don't know what. i am only truly happy when i am surfing. the salt water seems to wash away all the terrible things in life, and i feel refreshed after. other than that, i am always "walking in the shadows". at least that's how it feels.
I think that if someone has an emotional conflict because of tragedy that they experienced. But if you cry because you hate the world Anonymous4, why don't you get out and do something about it?
you're right, asdf. i should try to do something to help people less fortunate than me. because i know in some ways i am so damn lucky to be living the life that i'm living, and there are so many people that are in MUCH worse shape than i am.
Did any of u watch 7th Heaven this week?They had a story about self-multitation.Lucy has this friend who cuts herself.She had done before and done conseuling but she went back to cutting herself.Her friend moved to Chicago to go to a special clinic that deals with people cutting themselves.If any of u do that maybe u should see somebody that specializes in people who cut themselves cause sometimes a consuler in general can't help.
Hi~
because it's damaging for me and illegal in a way because I know my parents would simply throw me in a funny farm and pump me with boggling psychiatrists. Many times I have to resist but it is so *fucking* hard and it makes me cry sometimes. I am not digging for shallow pity and sympathy but I yearn for some support from EVEN one female random stranger. Am I alone here?
By Anonymous on Saturday, March 14, 1998 - 10:27 pm:
you're not alone. There are plenty of people who cut themselves. I know how cathartic it can be--perfect.
By Lee on Sunday, March 15, 1998 - 03:58 pm:
By Eliste on Thursday, March 19, 1998 - 05:46 pm:
just hang in there.....
out of curiosity... do the feelings making you do this extend to other areas of your life? as in... do they run deeper than just surfaces?
By Another anonymous grrl on Sunday, March 29, 1998 - 01:40 am:
but for me, i had to figure out with why i was cutting myself to stop for good. like you, the basic reason was to allieviate depression and anger, but when i tried to actually address where those feelings were coming from and dealing with the root problems that caused them i started to be ok. also channeling my anger into productive stuff (political activism, my zine) helped a lot. but i do know that its really scary and overwhelming to just let all those feelings *out*- at least for me, cutting was how i managed to ignore and repress all that stuff.
but its worth it. a really close friend who you can talk to withouht being judged, a journal and professional help are all good things -also little ones like listening to loud music or excercising when i was angry, taking baths or baking bread when i was sad- annd writing all the time- whatever helps you let out your feelings. obviously its *so* much easier to say this, from the other side, than it was to actually do it, but i want you to know it can be done. (here's the cheesy but true part) and you can do it but its hard, and even harder alone. don't stop trying. you have my support.
By Anonymous on Monday, March 30, 1998 - 11:44 pm:
By Snowpaws on Monday, April 13, 1998 - 01:04 am:
I am far into self-mutilation too. It is an addiction, the release you get when you cut/burn/or drink some chemical that burns your insides. I have been doing this for two damn years now and I am so fucking tired of hiding it. Why in the hell can I not cut myself in the manner that there is no turning back? I don't want to die, I love a lot of things about life...humanity brings me down. I have to say, the best way in easing this damaging habit is a true friend...just a little friend that you can trust.
By Anonymous on Monday, April 13, 1998 - 08:46 pm:
Http://www.postingplace.org
Its worth a checkout. I'm glad I found my friends there,
By Snowpaws on Wednesday, April 15, 1998 - 12:35 am:
By Snowpaws on Wednesday, April 15, 1998 - 12:42 am:
By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 15, 1998 - 02:57 am:
YOu let it all out GRRL!! you got nothing to be ashamed off!!! You are reaching out and you are not alone !!! i have self- mutilated myself ......
YOU VENT GRRL !!! i'll listen to ya !!!!
tht site called the posting page mentioned earlier is good !! i went there . Good place to meet people and let it go as well!!!!!
You hnag in there my friend!!!!
* depression is anger turned inside out *
Get in touch with your anger ..... scream out over the ocean ... send it too the waves .... scream into you pillow..... i use this in the middle of the nite when i am alone and don't want to wake the neighbours!!!
LOL!!!
By Snowpaws on Thursday, April 16, 1998 - 06:37 pm:
Thanx. I went to that site, but I didn't let anything out. I am not one to spill, when I do it's because I am pissed. How is everyone doing??
By Titania on Monday, April 20, 1998 - 03:46 pm:
By Snowpaws on Monday, April 20, 1998 - 04:14 pm:
By Titania on Monday, April 20, 1998 - 05:01 pm:
By Anonymous D on Thursday, April 23, 1998 - 04:14 pm:
By Anonymous D on Thursday, April 23, 1998 - 04:21 pm:
By Hairspray-queen2 on Saturday, April 25, 1998 - 05:00 pm:
By Anonymous on Saturday, April 25, 1998 - 10:26 pm:
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 5, 1998 - 11:33 am:
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 5, 1998 - 08:45 pm:
This is the original anonymous, thankyouverymuch.
I've gone through multiple psychologists but I have found this compassionate psychiatrist who gives me all the support I could ask for and she
encourages me my parents would not even consider.
I'm gradually reducing my cutting habits and it's definitely not a Candyland game. My parents are still in denial and my mother wants to make my life a living nightmare because she adamantly refuses to let me go out of state for college when my dream is go to Yale University for either art or filmmaking. Or at least travel around the world and live in Italy at a point in my life. Walk to water fountains everyday. Throw away my high school reunion invitation without second thoughts. My friends abandoned me a long time ago and yesterday, an authority figure snapped at me aggressively "just because i had a bad attitude and i had this wall around me she couldn't break down" that I just drowned in my own misery the rest of the afternoon because I was actually crying from having my heart broken by a guy who thought I was becoming too "intolerable" for him.
Life still drags on. High school is the bane of my existence. Thanks to every single individual for your concern. I appreciate it greatly.
Ironically, self-mutilation not only hurts the cutter but it also can cause pain to others who really care about the cutter. There are grave risks to being a cutter-- even we're not attempting suicide, only merely "suffering", there is a possibiliy of popping a vein and bleeding internally to death. Infection is also at risk and the consequences can be devastating.
If your scars are visible, you draw odd attention from the public and it creates an uncomfortable aura for them. It's very difficult to not have you exposed because somebody will always find out sooner or later (or that you decide to confess and get help like me).
I'm not exactly an advocate of self-mutilation and I don't want to encourage anyone but the way I see it, cutting is a drug and when one becomes psychologically dependent on it because it feels delightful (I know, believe me), that's not good.
It yields to addiction and when the case worsens,
the severity can actually start to have a malevolent impact on the entire environment besides the cutter.
We should set up a suicide club and have our little own circle of "freak friends", so we
can try to support each other in case one of us are leaning over the bridge or banging the forehead on the wall. I read this amazing fictional story called 'The Suicide Club' in the latest Ms. magazine issue and it made me yearned desperately for that kind of foundation.
By NoDoubt10 on Friday, May 8, 1998 - 12:14 am:
I guess I'm "new" to this self-mutilation thing. I cut my arm like 5 or 6 weeks ago. It healed.. then I did it again. My best friend saw it (I was lying on her bed and I flipped my hair and my sleeve went up) and she asked me about it. She had seen the "90210" episode about it the night before. What i'm getting at is we talked about. she is helping me thru it i guess.
So last night, I reopened the same scar again. I told her about it.. and she gave me some good advise-see my doctor (I am depressed and on meds.. and also an alcholic), see a priest (I know I know - I am by no means throwing religion in anyone's face! I went to church today and prayed and it got some tension out), and research. The library had jack shit so I am on this. I still don't know why I do it. I wish I did. I am trying to brainstrom but I got jaded. Maybe it's control, depression, alcoholism, resentment, or abuse. I really don't think it's attention though-if it was I'd be wearing short-sleeved shirts and saying "OH heee!! I think my doggies like.. y'know.. like.. scratched me"?! to me co-workers.
It's just so disturbing. I feel like a piece of shit... a psycho. But I know I'm sick and I need help. UGH. I like the pain though. I hit my arm so I feel pain. Do I have to feel pain? Am I just so used to feeling pain that I have to cut myself? Hhhmmm.. maybe. Help me out anyone!!!!!
Thank you for listening. Take care!
By Sassy on Friday, May 8, 1998 - 10:16 am:
By Invisible on Friday, May 8, 1998 - 02:10 pm:
By Violet on Friday, May 8, 1998 - 04:32 pm:
By Anonymous on Saturday, May 9, 1998 - 12:39 am:
By Anonymous on Saturday, May 9, 1998 - 02:02 pm:
By NikkiZema on Saturday, May 9, 1998 - 07:04 pm:
By SpawnGrrl123 on Tuesday, May 12, 1998 - 10:42 pm:
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 12, 1998 - 11:02 pm:
About the horomones--I was a self-mutilator for a while, only while on Prozac which heightened (or lowered, whatever) my depression. I also developed OCD slightly, which stopped when I went off Prozac. In any case, I have no hormonal problems.
To others: I was also an alcoholic before this time, and when I started taking Prozac I had to stop drinking. I tried and tried to get help. I called the hospital er and told them what happened, sobbing, and they told me if I did it again to call. I had doctors tell me I wasn't depressed, I was just lazy. Unfortunately, finding help isn't always easy.
I hope that I can be there for any of you who need to vent, and I'm definitely "in" when you start the "suicide club".
As another note, I went to family therapy and basically told my parents to fuck off. We still have an ok relationship, but I started paying for school on my own so they can't tell me what to do, and I'm fine now.
Good Luck to all of you, and all of my support and empathy
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 14, 1998 - 05:05 pm:
Anyway, I just want to tell you the address for an extremely helpful site it is:
http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html
go there and read everything.
By Mech on Monday, May 18, 1998 - 03:13 am:
I'm a 21-year old christian guy from the netherlands and I seem to still have this problem or to just have had this problem.
It's not that iI cut myself,but I tend to bite my shoulders and hands and furthermore I tend to attack myself in many different ways(for example:I sometimes just hit my kidney area with my elbows.)
As a man,I seem to have no hormonal problem.
But i have had much problems in my life and I know that selfmutilation has to do with a very low selfesteem and perfectionism(that I conclude from my case).
In the following message I'll write more.
Till then,
Mech.
By Mech on Monday, May 18, 1998 - 07:15 am:
To go on where I left,I must type you all,that many people treated me like doggiepoo.
On school iI got pestered,and in the streets teenagers and adolescents said things and even attacked me.
All this was giving me a low selfesteem(if you would hear nearly everyday that you are useless on school and on the street,you would in a short time have a low selfesteem too.) and the overreacting urge for perfectionism(i think i was a perfectionist naturally,but by this it was amplified.).
And through this I was propagated into the principles of selfmutilation.
But it didn't do because it was such a drug or that I kicked on it.
I did it because I hated myself and I wanted to punish or destroy myself or that I thought I wasn't perfect enough and did the same.
But it sems as if I have overcome my selfmutilation.
But by what?
I must confess that only real love set me free from this destructive force and that this love originated from Jesus Christ(He is the one we christians call God.).
I must further confess that I never let this selfmutilation go to far and that I hated it with my heart.
It is like I am split in two personalities(one good and one evil) who fight over the control of my body and soul.
The good one likes to preserve this body and to do good stuff and the evil one want to abuse my body and do evil things.
The evil one is the culprit of the selfmutilation
They hate each other and together they control me.
This is since I gave my life to the Lord and I need Him to keep the evil one under control.
I hope I can help anyone with the selfmutilation problem with this.
My way out is Jesus(He's a real lifesaver in many other ways too,which are more important than selfmutilation.)
May the Lord bless you all,
Mech.
PS:If you want to know more about Jesus and what He still does today,go and read a bible and ask some christians about it.
They'll tell you.
By Demeter on Monday, May 18, 1998 - 10:38 pm:
By Laurel on Tuesday, May 19, 1998 - 08:40 pm:
By Ghoti Hook Fan on Wednesday, May 20, 1998 - 11:56 pm:
By Anonymous on Saturday, May 23, 1998 - 04:18 am:
By Mech on Thursday, May 28, 1998 - 04:42 am:
I thank you for your concern for me and I really appreciate it,but I must tell you that I didn't intend to tell people they are bad or evil or something like that due to their selfmutilation.
I agree with you that selfmutilation stems from various forms of problems and that it is bad for your health.
But I further think that it is bad for your physological health for it is a form of selfabuse and it is bad for your social life.
In every aspect it is bad for yourself,so it is illogical and irrational.
But don't go telling me that we humans are illogical and irrational,cause I know that from my own life-experience.
What I told about my good and evil side is something I see from my own perspective.
It's not that I say that all other selfmutilators must have the same thing I have,but I think most people would agree with my perspective.
Selfmutilation is a problem and it's a problem that should be solved as soon as it arises.
I have lived long enough with it to know it's a problem and knowing that I wanted to get rid of it,I asked Jesus for help and slowly He helped me to get rid of it and now i'm nearly free of it.
I'm not telling people are bad because they selfmutilate(all people are bad for other reasons,like egocentrism,hatred,lying,pornography,etc.),but I think that the reason for the selfmutilation and the mutilation are bad.
And for the help of others I am offering a possible solution(which I think is the only solution in the end) which could even work in other problem areas(it surely will).
It's about giving one's life to Jesus and start following Him.
Just give it a shot,you won't be disappointed.
I tried it out too and it's just working out fine with all the major and minor problems I experience in my life.
Just ask some christian about it and get a bible and read it.
Jesus knows all of your problems because He has been confronted with all of them.
He was rejected,abused,molested,frightened,hurt,troubled,alone,hated,traumatized,etc.
But He never did any wrong thing when He was confronted with those things and He overcame them in His 33-year short life.
And through this fact and the fact that He died on the cross for all sins of all people and rose again,He can help you overcome your problems(even selfmutilation) and can help you find inner peace.
Just try it,you'll be surprised.
Love,
Mech!
By Lizh on Saturday, May 30, 1998 - 05:00 pm:
In March of 1997, a friend of mine committed suicide. She was a very devout Christian, from a strongly Christian family. If anything, her Christianity made it harder for her to face her psychological problems. She felt that if she were just a bit better, just a bit more Christian and prayed a bit more, God would take care of her psychological problems. He didn't , needless to say (unless you regard a bullet to the head as a reasonable solution).
Please do not suggest a particular religious belief as a panacaea for psychological pain. Failure to resolve the problem with religion leads to guilt and self hatred ('... I'm not a good enough Christian, I must try harder...')
People who have serious psychological troubles (such as self mutilation) may need therapy and/or drug treatment in the short term, and to change the conditions of their lives that lead to such chronic psychological problems in the long term.
I know it is a cliche, but God helps those who help themselves. Leaving a cure up to God without taking other action is a form of testing God's abilities, which is strongly discouraged in the Bible.
Liz
By DEMETER on Monday, June 1, 1998 - 12:37 am:
I am into goddess worship myself. I'm more into nature and mother earth. There are no pulpits to preach from, no money to be collected and no brainwashing to say how things should be done and no shame and guilt placed on those for their paths the choose in life and no control as far as teling someone what they should feel, think or do.
By Discodolly on Monday, June 1, 1998 - 02:27 pm:
By Clare on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 09:41 am:
i'm 18 now i wonder what's gonna happen next i've tried to kill myself [14 times] i can't believe i keep count!
i cut at my breasts,tummy,legs,arms,wrists you name it i got scars there"!
now i wonder whether someone can tell me > When you all cut yourself(if that's your form of mutilation) where do you stop ? is just a few cuts here and there or is big sprees like not stopping until you have run out of flesh like me!
i'm sorry i'm not doing this for attention, i just do not want you to waste your life with it like i have!
yours with much love and admiration
clare
(i mean that i admire you all you are so ver ver very very brave!)
you all take care
mail me if you need help i'm here for you sparkle89@hotmail.com
By Cool ones on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 03:58 pm:
We reakon ye self mutialitors are pretty darn
desparate!!!!!!!!!!!
Get a life!!!! Or just a lad.
Oh , Snowpaws you have a pretty cool name!
Hairspray queen two .
By Shampoo on Saturday, June 20, 1998 - 01:44 am:
HELLO! These girls cut and hurt themselves to feel better! Does that sound right to you? Does that sound like something a person who's *desperate* would do? Clare went to the hospital 33 times and tried to kill herself 14 times and you're telling her to get a life? What is wrong with you?
And then you have the nerve to compliment snowpaws name? You two piss me off *so* bad!!
Girls, don't listen to these two, they don't know what they're saying.
-shampoo
By Oirio on Tuesday, June 23, 1998 - 04:49 pm:
Right , I noticed that Kate got a bit carried away when i left the room.
Its bad that she was hospitable-ised
and nearly died but it was self inflicted!!
REGARDLESS of what you say ,She did do it
to herself!!Truely,I do hope that she is ok now
I DO. bUT I'VE had a pretty hard fucking
time but i have'nt started cuttin' myself for
the sa e of "feeling better".
great a lad won't solve it,but a shrink might!
By Vempyra667 on Thursday, June 25, 1998 - 06:52 am:
-William Blake-
By Oirio on Thursday, June 25, 1998 - 02:48 pm:
What's your point ??
By Lane G on Friday, June 26, 1998 - 07:45 am:
P.S I get William Blake's point, but he is soooo wrong and obviously has spent toooo much time being all poetic to actually live life in the reality zone.
By Anonymous on Friday, June 26, 1998 - 03:17 pm:
By Shampoo on Friday, June 26, 1998 - 04:03 pm:
By Demeter on Saturday, June 27, 1998 - 02:26 pm:
By Shampoo on Sunday, June 28, 1998 - 01:04 am:
Anonymous: Cutting yourself isn't the answer for your problem. I think you need to get some professional help on this one, you're only hurting yourself more.
By Whisperer on Sunday, June 28, 1998 - 11:46 am:
I'm the same person as i mentioned i was raped. I still can't get used to the fact that i was raped when i was little and it hurts me so much. I just can't cry at all. I can't do a fucking little thing other than cutting myself and feeling my scars on my leg to feel better. I have tried writing but it only ends up making me feel worse .. i don't know what else to do...
By Oirio on Sunday, June 28, 1998 - 04:21 pm:
As for sayin' i should go to a library,you seem to know everything so why should i bother ??
Its smart arses like you that drive someone to an early grave.I dont trivialise problems, i just see things as they really are and i dont lie about them or give false hopes.I reakon you should think logically and start comi9ng back to Earth,you seem to be miles away.You said im not a shrink, i sincerely doubt you are either so dont critise what i say.This website is for any-1 to use so if you come across someone who does'nt agree with you DEAL WITH IT !! - Oirio.
By Shampoo on Monday, June 29, 1998 - 03:12 pm:
You were insensitive and rude. No I don't know what you've been through in your life, but you're not even bothering trying to be compassionate towards these girls who've had it *very* hard. And if by any chance you life *was* as hard, and you don't cut yourself then I have to say good for you, but don't compare yourself to these girls, and *don't* think that telling them how much "better" you are then them because you don't cut is going to help much.
Hmm... it seems as if I critised your oppinion... and then you turned around and criticized *mine*. How do I seem miles away? I think you're the one who needs to come back to reality and stop thinking that self mutilation is the girls' own fault. They can't help it, and you telling them "well gee... i'm sorry that she was hospitalized and all, but it *was* self inflicted, blah blah blah" is belittling the problem to be nothing more then a girl with a razor, and totally forgetting the psychological part of it. You're blaming them and making them feel bad for what they're doing instead of helping them so that they'll stop!
No I am not a shrink, but I've got the brains to know that when someone hurts herself to make it feel better, that "getting a life" isn't going to help, and telling someone "i'm sorry your friend was put in the hospital but it was her own fault" isn't going to help, either. You wait until one of your best friends shows up with scars on her arms, and you see what you tell them.
By Shampoo on Monday, June 29, 1998 - 03:16 pm:
And I have never said that I know everything. I don't know everything, but I've read a little bit about self mutilation and I know that it's a delicate topic and like demeter said, attitudes like your's aren't helping.
By Oirio on Monday, June 29, 1998 - 03:42 pm:
By Lee on Monday, June 29, 1998 - 10:12 pm:
By your reasoning, anorexics should just start eating & depressed people should just cheer up. Everyone's situation & ability to cope w/it are different.
Whether it involves cutting or starving, self-destructive behavior isn't fun. People who cut or starve themselves are obviously in a lot of pain & can't deal w/it through "normal" channels.
People who do self-destructive things like this need as much love & understanding as they can get from their families & friends. Attitudes like your's don't help any.
When people are trying to transform negative behavior into postive behavior, they need positive reinforcement. Not that it's even in the same league, but (just as an example) my self destructive behavior when I'm angry/sad/stressed is to overeat. I've just started going to the gym & trying to eat better. It helps when my friends phrase their advice in positive terms (e.g. enjoy your workout), rather than negative (e.g. don't eat that).
By Oirio on Tuesday, June 30, 1998 - 12:34 pm:
By Shampoo on Tuesday, June 30, 1998 - 05:01 pm:
Don't try to make us feel bad for critisizing you, okay? It's not working. Just stop being so closed minded about things and you'll do just fine.
By Lee on Wednesday, July 1, 1998 - 09:28 pm:
One point to add, when someone is revealing something painful and/or really personal, I think people should take extra effort to respond w/care, sensitivity & tact. It may be the first time someone's been able to talk about something.
While the internet may not be the ideal forum, it may be the first attempt someone's made to deal w/something that's bothering them. I'd hate to think that someone might reveal something painful/personal only to be verbally attacked. This could cause the person to withdraw further & engage in more self-destructive behavior.
By Whisperer on Thursday, July 2, 1998 - 09:17 pm:
yeah well it was the first time i was talking about me cutting myself.. i agree totally.
By DEMETER on Sunday, July 5, 1998 - 01:22 pm:
By Anonymous4 on Wednesday, July 8, 1998 - 09:28 pm:
By Whisperer on Wednesday, July 8, 1998 - 09:53 pm:
By Marsha on Thursday, July 9, 1998 - 09:53 pm:
By Anonymous4 on Saturday, July 11, 1998 - 11:19 pm:
i understand how you feel. do you just lie awake at night and wish... for something??? this is so hard to put in words because i can't even describe it to myself, let alone other people. cause i do feel like i'm rotting, and i don't know whether i'll feel like this forever or if i'm just going through "a stage" or if i find someone i can talk to everything will stop... this is too hard to explain. i think you know what i'm talking about.
Anonymous4
By Marsha on Sunday, July 12, 1998 - 03:07 pm:
By Anonymous4 on Monday, July 13, 1998 - 04:11 pm:
hang in there, i know how you feel.
Anonymous4
By Asdf586 on Thursday, July 16, 1998 - 12:30 pm:
Or perhaps you should put things into perspective, although I know absolutley nothing about your life, I know that it could be a lot worse. Its great that you have found a way to channel your bad energy. But a great emotionally satisfying way to do it is to help people in your situation.
By Anonymous4 on Saturday, July 18, 1998 - 09:28 pm:
i try to put things into perspective, but i end up feeling like a spoiled brat (which you probably all think i am, maybe i am). i can definitely see where you're coming from, and i'm going to try to help where i can. i'm already doing some things to help out where i live, but i guess i should do more instead of just bitching about my life. but it kinda makes me feel better to complain, ya know????
Anonymous4
By MeG on Thursday, October 8, 1998 - 12:07 pm:
*MeG*
By Anonymous on Wednesday, October 28, 1998 - 03:46 am:
This is my first visit to this site, and the first thread I read all the way through...what a lot of powerful, painful memories are coming back to me.
I'm in my late 30's now, and when I was around 14, I used to chop myself up horribly. Like some of you, I was venting anger over an abusive, ongoing situation in my life that I thought I had no other means to control. I never got professional help, and my parents chose to turn a blind eye to my actions...
I don't remember how or why, exactly, I decided to stop. Life just seemed so bleak, and my prospects of growing up happy or sane---or just growing up, period---seemed so slim.
I sure wish I had some major pearl of wisdom to hand to those of you suffering around this heartbreaking issue. I don't know if this will help anyone at all, but I'd like to offer this perspective:
When you're emerging into womanhood, it's normal to feel powerless, frightened, angry and depressed. We have a lot of walls to scale, as women, both societal and personal. I read your words and hear so much pain and self-loathing, but what I see is intelligence, spirit, humor, compassion, sensitivity and strength.
To those of you who are young and thinking that things may never change or be better for you, please let me assure you, they will change, and they will be better. I had many of the same things going on in my life that you've all written about. But I "grew up," despite my own dire self-predictions, despite my own inclination to self-destruct, and I can't believe how cool life turned out to be.Nobody ever would have been able to convince me of it, way back then.
Please be good to yourselves. Treat yourselves as if you were a precious commodity, because you surely are. Scream and bitch and demand for help; there will be someone out there who will respond. It may take time, but don't give up.
This is all pretty stupid babbling, but I was very moved by what you all had to say. I hope it will at least provide some support for those of you who are at the other end of that dark tunnel. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best.