what would u do if u got pregnant right now???????????


NrrdGrrl! Discussion Forum: Vent: what would u do if u got pregnant right now???????????
By Emz on Wednesday, August 5, 1998 - 04:42 pm:

Hi i thought that i would start a debate like on wednesday night live would u have an abortion ? put your child up for adoption ? keep the child ? to voice your view on the matter leave a messsage after mine and if anyone who is pregnant and doesnt know what to do can look at the ideas and see which sounds like the best option or anyone who wants to let off steam and really tell someone what you think come and visit luv Emz


By Alexis on Wednesday, August 5, 1998 - 05:18 pm:

Emz--
For me, it's a controversial issue. As far as other people go, I'm definitely pro-choice. If someone has an abortion, it's fine with me. I just don't know if I could have one myself. I'd be so busy thinking of couples who can't physically have children and are waiting years and years on an adoption list. I would want so badly to put the baby up for adoption, but at the same time, I'm in high school, and I don't want to be pregnant. Since I'm so torn on the subject, I'm quite careful to stick with condoms. What do you think?


By Shampoo on Wednesday, August 5, 1998 - 07:45 pm:

Isn't there already a forum about this? there is, it's called "to get people talking."

lot's of doubles, triples here on nrrdgrrl, aren't there?


By Emz on Sunday, August 9, 1998 - 01:50 pm:

I'm adopted myself and i would say its not that good cause you spend time thinking about your real parents and wondering


By Shampoo on Sunday, August 9, 1998 - 02:43 pm:

Emz, would you rather your biological parents had an abortion instead? you wouldn't be here right now. Everyone thinks about something, and I think that thinking and wondering about your real parents is a heck of a lot better then being dead.


By IMHO on Monday, August 10, 1998 - 11:39 pm:

i'd get an abortion. i have no means to take care of a child; there are too many people in the world anyway; the kid's life would suck [if they commited suicide --wouldn't that be ironic??] ; it would HURT!!!! ; kids who are adopted usually run off to find their parents, or resent their adoptive parents; and, again, the world is over-poplated already!


By Emz on Tuesday, August 11, 1998 - 04:18 pm:

I never thought about it like that Shampoo i sposse u r right i fully intend to find my biological parents but i cant untill i am 18 (sucks doesnt it)but my Mom and Dad say that they will help to find them my adopted parents dont see my biological parents as a threat because they know i wont ever forget them after al they have done for me they have been there when i needed them after they divorced and i really love them i'd like to say thanxs Mom and Dad.


By Caileen on Saturday, August 15, 1998 - 05:59 pm:

I reckon the don't make an isue out it thing is the best way - like you said shampoo, no point in making things complicateder.

Dary, some things are more trouble than they're worth, but then again if your not confortable with the meat eating thing then stick to your guns and grin and bear it.


By Caileen on Sunday, August 16, 1998 - 02:36 pm:

oops, in my attempt to save on the old phone bill by using the wordprocessor to type things looks like i got my copying and pasting messed up, sorry, just skip over that one.


By Shampoo on Sunday, August 16, 1998 - 07:18 pm:

IMHO who said the kids life would suck if it were adopted? are you adopted? do you know? i really doubt that an adopted kid would commit suicide because it has a pair of loving 'parents' who take care of it instead of a single mom who can't support it. where did you get your information from, that adopted kids usually run off or resent their parents? do you have any clue what you're talking about?

emz, did your life "suck" because you were adopted? i don't think so.

and there's nothing wrong with finding your biological parents, i'm glad your 'mom and dad' are going to help you. i'm sure there was a reason for you being adopted. how old are you now, emz? good luck in finding your parents.


By Ranma on Monday, August 17, 1998 - 10:42 pm:

Well, if I got pregnant right now, well then again, that would be something now whouldn't it, what whould happen with warm water? Sorry, just got distracted. Shampoo- Don't be so quick to judge single moms, I have one, and although I disagree with her now and then, I'd say she's done a pretty good job.


By Adee on Tuesday, August 18, 1998 - 03:25 pm:

I got raised by a single mom too. She wasn't there alot of the time when I was little because she had to work, but I don't resent that at all. I had all sorts of family taking care of me, plus alot of my mom's cousins would come live with us from time to time, and I loved it! I think that if I got pregnant right now, I would seriously consider having an abortion. I'm not sure if I could but it is definately an option. I've always been pro-choice, and the ironic thing is that it's really the pro-life people who got me to think about it and decide that it is every womans choice.(The pro-life people turned me into a pro-choice person!)


By Shampoo on Wednesday, August 19, 1998 - 02:25 am:

ranma some women just can't handle being a single mom. it's admirable of yours that she stuck it out and stuff, but some women just can't do that and that's when adoption would be better then abortion.

i don't understand abortion!! why? with abortion and adoption the outcome is the same: you move on with your life without having a baby. but with adoption the kid gets to live! what's the problem with it? there are so many couples who can't have children and have to wait forever on an adoption list!

someone who supports abortion please explain to me how 9 months is too much to give for the life of a child, that waiting 9 months is too much of a burden and that killing the baby makes so much more sense then giving it away and letting live!! WHY!?


By Nicky on Sunday, August 23, 1998 - 10:21 pm:

Luckily for us we haven't had an unPLANNED pregnancy occur so far. But my boy and I have discussed at length as to what measures we would take to cope with it.
I know I'm about to sound heartless, but I would not be able to keep a baby nor give it away. The best solution for me at this point in my life is to abort the embryo.
I see it this way. I am 17, my boyfriend 19. He is currently in his first year of a trade apprenticeship. I am in my last three months of school unable to decide what exact career path I will take, but keen to start my career in sales, marketing or advetising. If a pregnancy occured today, in nine months I will have to put my career and life on hold for the next two decades. My boyfriend will have to work overtime to support our child financially, meaning there will not be enough time for him to support it emotionally. He will still be able to continue his career and life, while I will be at home, caring for a child we were not quite prepared for.
The result can be as follows...a child grows up to be delinquent and underpriveleged, as i have not been able to prepare myslef for it, meaning options aren't as open due to financial reasons. It could result in a break of myself and it's father, meaning the child has to solid family unit. It would mean I would have to take government help to support it.
I'm sorry if I seem selfish, but I cannot bring up a child at this point in life.
Nor can I give it away. I am a strongly against adoption in my situation. I commend and respect people who do adopt and I feel greatly for the adoptees, but personally I feel that i cannot give my child to another person to take care of. It's like getting a puppy and then giving it to your neighbour to look after because you can't be bothered. This may sound like an ignorant point of view, but remember I have nothing against other's desisions. Personal choice is just that. And my personal choice would be to abort.
I am proud of single and teenage mums and dads alike and I am filled with great respect for people who adopt. I am also understanding of those who choose to abort.
Thanx...


By Eliste on Tuesday, August 25, 1998 - 04:30 pm:

I would abort... no quaestion about it. I freely admit that I am not at a place in my life where I could give a child a life that it deserved. No qualms. Others can hate me for that if they wish but for me, that would be the best choice. And its ME that would have to live with it. end of discussion on my part.


By Atarigrrl on Friday, October 30, 1998 - 05:43 pm:

Nicky, would you kill the puppy rather than give it away? That's the argument that I've gotta make. If a family was in a Holocaust concentration camp and everything about their life was horrible, but you could save the children of the family although their parents would be lost forever, would you decide not to transport the children to a loving and stabile life?

I could never abort. If I was having sex now (I'm not) and I got pregnant, I would raise the child and go without television, books, new clothes, nights out, etc. until the kid's needs were all met.

I'm pro-life because my mom spent time in a mental hospital after my baby brother was born prematurely and died. She wanted him incredibly bad and was devastated when he died. It took her many years to tell me that she saw him struggling to stay alive for those days and kept thinking how someone could decide to kill her child?
The ironic thing is if my little brother had been born alive at the same age in an abortion, he most likely would have been left to die in a bucket covered with a cloth, because he wasn't "wanted." And today the technology exists to probably save a baby in his state. But it's only used if the baby is wanted.


By Endora on Saturday, October 31, 1998 - 06:17 pm:

Warning: This a long one, even by my standards

Atarigrrl,

I'm sorry to hear about the grief your family went through. While I respect your choice for yourself completely, I think it's still very important that people have a choice. No one is really fully equipped to decide whether or not a woman/girl is emotionally, physically and finacially prepared to have a baby except the woman/girl making the decision.

I don't know if it's just living in a large metro area or what, but I see people screaming and cursing at their kids in public & last night I heard someone carrying a kid in her arms going on about how "fucked up" (on pot & alcohol) she was, after she almost fell w/the kid. I'm not against smoking pot or drinking, but if people are going to have children, they should make sure they're responsible enough to care for them properly. Not to mention, on a depressingly regular basis, I read about kids getting beaten/burned/starved to death by parents who can't handle parenthood.

The child welfare authorities can't seem to keep up w/all this and kids keep falling through the cracks. Then, some of the schools are in horrible shape. One school was in such bad shape that a teenage girl picking up her younger sister was hit by a brick earlier this year & died. For a society that ignores & neglects the kids that are already here, we seem to spend an awful lot of time telling women/girls what they should & should not be doing w/their bodies.

Some of the people in the pro-life movement are genuine, but some are such hypocrites, such as anyone who condones killing the doctors who perform abortions.

On a much lighter note, I was in the parking lot of a grocery store & someone decided to create their own illegal parking space (outside of the line). The angle endangered pedestrians because it blocked both the pedestrians and oncoming cars views of one another. I almost got hit & so did a few others. I looked at the car's bumper & it sported one of those "save the pre-born" stickers." I wrote a note, "save the already born & learn how to park" & stuck it under the windshield wipers. People like that aren't so concerned about life once someone's actually born, which tends to make me think they're more into controlling women/girls than anything else. Again, I don't mean to imply that everyone in the pro-life movement is like that because that's not the case.

I agree that the "wanted" issue is kind of strange, but personally, I look at it this way--the baby can't survive outside of the mother before it's born. Therefore, the mother should have the right to make the choice that's right for her. In your mother's case, that was a very wanted & loved baby. No doubt, it was small comfort, but at least your mother & your family have the consolation of knowing that everything possible was done to save your brother. Your mom & your brother had the right to have access to whatever medical technology was available to help him, as they rightly should.

Women/girls should have access to all of the advances in the medical field. I find it interesting that some pro-life people will argue that abortion interferes w/God or nature, but will not make the same argument when medical technology is used to help create life or save lives that would otherwise be lost. I think women/girls should have the right for fertility assistance, good pre-natal care and any other procedures they need to ensure their health & their babies'.

Women/girls should also have the right to prevent or end a pregnacy if they choose. They should also have the right to do it w/out stigma and w/out having to deal of a gauntlet of protesters or a shortage of doctors because a few fringe lunatics are scaring doctors away or even killing them.

Again, I'm not condemning the entire pro-life movement, but some of these people are insane. Look at the most recent doctor murder in Buffalo. The guy was in his kitchen & had just come home from religious services. Btw, he did much more than perform abortions, he was a full-service OB-GYN whose patients sent him pictures of the children he delivered and brought into this world alive.

Unfortunately, harassment and threating doctors is much too common. A friend's father is an OB-GYN in a small town. He performs abortions as part of his practice. Growing up was a hellish experience for her. The protesters found out where the family lived & would harass them at all hours of the day & night. Kids she went to school w/ would try to beat her up and when she got to high school, they would call her a slut & say her father gave her abortions.

Again, I think people should choose for themselves. My step-mom had my step-brother when she was 16. Her parents & her ex-husband's parents made it clear that they would support them as long as it took for them to finish school, start working & set up a home for themselves. Having the baby was the right decision for her. I know several people who've had abortions and it was the right decision for them. At least one of them went on to have 2 children when the time was right for her to be a mother.

It wasn't all that long ago that women/girls didn't even have access to birth control. And abortion is nothing new. Before it was legal, women/girls still got abortions, but some would die or become infertile as the result of the conditions and practices at the time.

When you think about it, women/girls still don't have as much choice in health care as they should. For example, I think the ideal choice re: delivery would be a midwife in a homey setting w/in a hospital. It keeps things as holistic, comfortable as possible, yet the high tech is there if something goes wrong & it's needed. Now ask yourself, how many hospitals offer women/girls this choice?

The old double standard thing doesn't help when it comes to making informed choices either. People still have this notions that "good" or "nice" girls don't. Well "good" and "nice" girls have sex drives too. A lot of times, the conflict between the normal urges & the "good" or "nice" girl thing leads people to deny what they're doing and take foolish chances like having sex w/out birth control, etc. Let's get rid of the double standard & make it easier for women/girls to make decisions that will be right for them, whether it to have sex/not have it, etc.


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