Fingernails
by Rose Platt
i play tic tac toe on myself
waiting until it's time to call you
watching the red numbers change on the clock
trying to make the lines as red
the Xs and Os fading into view on pale skin
drawing my newly long nails over my chest
navigating the hills and valleys
playing myself and losing
because i don't know what move i'll make next
i don't want to be hurt but i want to cause pain
don't want to hurt someone i love so i hurt myself
and watch as if from a distance
it's not my hand
it's not my body
it's not you either, and i wonder what you would say
if you saw me drawing your initials on my thigh
and the tic tac toe grid sloping up my breasts
would you want to play?
would you want to watch me
mark myself and watch myself?
and we'd both know that no matter how hard i try
it will all have faded into memory in a few minutes
with only a trace of pink
to remind us of yet another game
played until it wasn't fun anymore and discarded
we can find better things to play on the boards of ourselves
put the hands away for now
no more watching, no more drifting away from my body
name a game and i'll play it with you
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