Struggles with Bulimia


NrrdGrrl! Discussion Forum: Lives and Confessions: Struggles with Bulimia
By Alexis on Tuesday, July 28, 1998 - 10:55 am:

I've had bulimia nervosa for four and half years, and I was just wondering if anyone feels as alone with this as I do. I keep in touch with everyone from my eating disorder therapy group, but I still feel like crying. I feel like we're all at different stages... I haven't gotten sick in 66 days, and I used to get sick four or five times a day, so I'm definitely recovering... but the whole thing is so slow and devestating, I just want to run and hide.


By Rhiannon on Tuesday, July 28, 1998 - 04:39 pm:

ANYONE OUT THERE WITH BULIMIA. KEEP ON GOING, DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!


By Caileen on Sunday, August 2, 1998 - 08:55 am:

Alexis, the reason bulimia is such a hard disease to crack is because it is an uphill haul and so easy to slip right back to the start. Fighting it wears yo down, but you mustn't give up.
I haven't been sick for over a year now, because I have beaten the illness physically, it is easy to asume I have mentally as well, but it is still very much a part of me. People don't realise that some mornings I still wake up and want to puke my guts out, and it is a very isolating thing.
Because everyone deals with things differently no-one will be at the same stage as you. Keep fighting and hold on to the strength that as brought you so far.

Caíleen


By Alexis on Monday, August 3, 1998 - 01:08 pm:

Caíleen,
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate your writing. Congratulations on not getting sick for a year. I've gone now 72 days, but not a day has gone by that I haven't though of it. I've actually kept all of my diary entries from the passed 5 years while I've been sick, and I really want to publish them. I've typed them up, edited out specific details and changed names, but I'm not sure if it would be the right thing to do to send it in. I'm so afraid of other people getting stuck here. Thank you for your thoughts.
Also- congratulations on the baby. I love the name Caíra (I read the baby names posting, because I love names.)
-Alexis


By Caileen on Saturday, August 15, 1998 - 06:02 pm:

If you've gone to the trouble of typeing them all up and everything, then it's obviously somthing you want to, and i'd think people would benefit from reading it.
I wish i'd been disciplined enough to keep a dairy, you know when I was really littls, and would write stuff like ‘ today I went to bthe beach with mam and Fede' in uneven scrawl, that would be a really nice thing to have.


By Anonymous on Monday, August 17, 1998 - 02:08 pm:

Alexis , my god im so glad to hear that u are recovering !! You have a lovely name , where did u get it ??I hope that u stay with ur uphill struggle.I hope u dont give in, youll eventually beat it i hope,i dont know what its like so my words may sound stupid- just dont give in , prove that you can beat it and keep us informed.
- Oirio


By Alexis McKenzie on Monday, August 17, 1998 - 04:15 pm:

Oirio and Caileen~
Thank you so much for your encouragement. I have now gone 86 days without getting sick, and it's the most amazing feeling, but at the same time, very scary. I have this boyfriend/bestfriend (somewhere in between) who is so incredibly supportive, and I know that I can't have my eating disorder and him at the same time.
(Oirio~ Alexis isn't that original of a name, at least not here in the states. It means "mankind's helper" in Greek.)
~Alexis


By Anonymous on Friday, August 21, 1998 - 03:49 pm:

Alexis, good 2 hear from you , but your name is very unusual, i live in ireland so i have never heard the name before( except forthat singer alexia) .I'm very glad 2 hear ur still beating the illnesss!!keep up the good work !!
Slan libh !!
Oirio


By Mandy on Sunday, September 27, 1998 - 08:31 pm:

Alexis,
I too went downhill with eating disorders. It's been 7 years, and I am physically healthy, but there are days that I feel so horrid. My weight seems to be all that is on my mind for days.
And - today someone online saw a pic of me and told me I was fat and ugly. It didn't help me much, I think it sent me down like 10 notches on my ladder of healing. I am smart enough to know one opinion doesn't matter, but my eating disorder doesn't and is screaming in the back of my mind. Good luck, I am very proud of you. Keep on doing what you are doing. And so shall I - and that's fighting. :)
Mandy


By Alexis on Wednesday, September 30, 1998 - 04:54 pm:

Mandy--
I really know what you're going through. I haven't gotten sick for four months, but whenever anybody makes a comment to me about food in anyway, my eating disorder seems to tell me, "She's telling you you're fat." or "He's telling you you should lose a few pounds." It's really awful.
WILL IT EVER GO AWAY??
-Alexis
p.s. Thank you for your encouragement, everyone. It means a lot to me that other girls are willing to tell their story too.


By Anonymous on Wednesday, November 4, 1998 - 01:09 am:

I suffered from it a year ago. I was'nt emotionaly stable and it made me feel better to puke. So for so long that was how I dealt with my problems. I got through it with the help from friends and a lot of counseling. Just keep it up, and never give up. Just remember that and never give up. Good luck! Angela


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