I went to a party Friday night, and I did some stupid things. i fooled around with a good friend and am not sure where our friendship is at. The thing is I knew that I was going to get hurt. I always know. So why do I do it? Am I desperate, or insecure? What is it that allows me to make these mistakes? To keep letting my self get hurt.
Maybe Keely it is the heart making the decisions and not the head. Particulary if you were drinking that really throws reason out the window! When i eat chocolate i don't feel well but i do it anyway. Why? i don't know.
Well, why don't you talk to them about it Keelyl? The friend(boy or girl, whichever way that you swing) is probably having the exact same mental dilemmas as you, you should definetily try to talk to them about it. It also depends on how far you went. If you had sex withthem, especially if you got pregnant, you should have the lines of communication open...child support is very important youknow. Don't let them (if it is a boy) get away without giving you your due, a stupid orgasm is not enough...and "I was drunk is not an excuse!!" I am sorry, I am bringing my personal life into it. Don't listen to me!!
I did talk to him. And the porblem is that he regrets it and I don't. i thought it was going to lead somewhere and he used the "I am sorry i was really drunk" excuse. And this is the friend that says that he hates to see me get hurt!
Well, looks like you just lost a friend. You see, if he regrets it and you don't, you already have a blockage for the continuing of your friendship. Fooling around with friends is a big mistake, girl!! You must have had some kind of lusting for him anyways, eh? But believe me, things can't go further between you two unless he is the kind of guy that can be guilt tripped into things. You probably shouldn't have hoped that it was going to go somewhere...is that why you did it? Did you hope that you two would hook up? Take it from me, getting drunk and having sex with a friend is DEFINITELY not the way to get him to "see the light" and go out with you. I lost my best friend, Trevor, doing that. I was really into it, but he was just thinking with his cock. The next day, I made him breakfast and everything, all happy that he had spent the night, but he just got up and took off, hangover and everything. I hate the bastard. Sorry if I sound bitter.
I guess i am just naive enough to believe that it would lead somewhere because when it has happended before, it has lead somewhere. (And to healthy good realationships). But after losing one best friend because of spur of the moment hormones and now questioning this friendship it don;t know.......
How long did your last relationship last for? I bet not more than a year. You see, guys are assholes that way. Spur of the moment hormones don't usually lead to a totally healthy relationship unless the guy really wants to hook up too. And that would most likely result in a relationship started sans the influence of alcohol and a rowdy party. It usually doesn't work well that way Keely. If I were you, I'd think of a better way to get guys. Obviously, this just doesn't work. Fooling around with friends, especially in a group environment (I mean like you are both a part of a group), always royally screws everything over even if the relationship seems pretty good. Unless the two of you get married or something, there is going to be wear and tear on your other friends. It would be weird for me to have to listen to my best girl friend talk about what sex is like with my best guyfriend!! I don't think that I would be hanging around for too long. It kind of sounds like you have lost other friends this way...maybe the time has come to change your technique...?
fooling around with friends is never a good idea. you preobably knkow that already though, right? if you didn't do anything Too serious [like sex] than you preobably don't have much to worry about. you should try to put it out of your head. i would't expect your friendship to be the same unless both of you are really mellow, but it seems like this really bothered and upset you, so you're not mellow [by my defintion]. try not to think a bout it, but keep and open mind and try to stay friends with your bud.
Keely, this has happened to me. My best friend Andrew and I got really carried away with each other when we were alone in his house. The morning came and we hardly spoke. I had to leave quickly because of work but also because of the unbearable tension and silences.
Bethany- You are right - although i feel like siding with you is giving in to this desire for me to want to beleive that this kind of thing works.
i have got some advice for you.....
Keely, that kind of thing doesn't work..beleive me.
Thanks for all your advice Beth!
I guess, after reading Anabel's post, i would people reading this discussion to know that i did not sleep with the guy at the party. And I don't sleep around.
if you don't want anyone to judge you yeasty cunt,
I have something to say to both "Anabel" & Keely. Since "Anabel" has much more need of advice/guidance than Keely or pretty much anyone else who participates in Nrrdgrrl, I will address "Anabel" first.
Thanks Ms. Manners!
god !!!well I came on here all excited thinking oh my god some people who finally know what i'm going on about ,i'm not the only person who feels like shit and doesn't why,and then i read that horrible message by annabel-man ar eu screwed up ,if u are inscure with yourself don't take it out on others dela with it or get help that is what this website is for- "If you judge people you have no time to love them "Just keep that in mind and calm down.Keely -hey don't you worry Ireally don't know what to say cause I have never really been in a situaton like that.Just don't let it mess with your head.This page yolk is called why do we let ourselves get hurt....or something to that effect.Well i hope it is ok if I use this to apply to situations other than guy ones??I basically can't trust anyone anymore ,last year i thought i had this brilliant life and know i can't even face thinking about it cause it seems like such a fake.At the start of this year my friends ditched me -and that hurt really bad i was crushed but i thought i would be brave and find some new friends but turns out she bitched about me constantly ,hated me and thought I was worth nothing -all her own words.So can somebody please tell what I have done that has caused everyone to hate me,cause i don't remember doing anything???I feel so lost now and.......Sorry I just needed to talk, thanks......
ms. manners
Anabel--
anabel
To turn the conversation to a compleatly different subject I want to know if any other grrls have this problem. I have been in love with one guy or another scince I was six years old. I think I am addicted to love cuz I always need to have a man. How do you keep yourself from getting totaly attached to one person and then not being able to live when they leave?
feel free to hate me, i am someone who hurts people and do you know why i do it? because i was bullied and treated like shit for three years at secondary school. now i never trust anyone and hurt them before they hurt me. its not violent or nasty, i just let go. i am not a bully at all.i've just learnt how to avoid becoming a victim again because believe me there is nothing worse.
By T on Monday, May 25, 1998 - 11:07 am:
By Bethany on Friday, May 29, 1998 - 10:43 pm:
By Keely on Saturday, May 30, 1998 - 08:21 pm:
Anyway i guess i will try to put it in the past.
By Bethany on Monday, June 1, 1998 - 06:15 pm:
Beth
By Keely on Monday, June 1, 1998 - 10:40 pm:
By Bethany on Tuesday, June 2, 1998 - 07:06 pm:
Beth
By Marie Hioug on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 02:26 pm:
By Natalya on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 06:01 pm:
I felt awful all day and thought that he would never speak to me again by the way he had acted.
But to cut a long story short, we did have a good long talk and sorted everything out. Although things will never be the same again, I can still call him a great friend.
Talk to this guy. I know your intensions aren`t the same but this situation can be resolved.
PS: Don`t ever do this again!
By Keely on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 07:00 pm:
To answer your question about how long the realationships lasted; one lasted six months and another only two months. with the first realationship it was a group situation. Trevor and meg were my best buds, and they were best friends. Trevor and i, spur of the moment, started making out at a party at his house - we weren't drinking though. to make the longest of stories short we broke up six months later much to meg's statisfaction as like you mentioned she had trouble seeing her two best friends together in that way. I can barley talk to Trevor now, it's so uncomfortable to be around him. and I am no longer friends with meg. so i lost a lot, but i have to say that as much as i lost i learned so much more. i learned what a healthy realationship is and that Trevor and i did not have one for most of our realationship. i also learned that going out within your circle of friends is not a good idea.
my other realationship was with a friend who hung with a totally different crowd. stiff just happened one night while i was over at his house. it wasn;t a serious realationship emotionally and we are actually closer friends now than we were before.
Anyway i am really rambling here..... I guess that as much as i don;t want to admit it realationships that start due to a rage of hormones and want for sex just don't work.
i am still of the frame of mind that what happened recently at that party was not smart, really not smart, but at leaast it was with someone who did not take advantage of me. (I would have been very easy to take advantage of that night.) i don;t think i lost a friend because of it though, since we can still talk, but i haven;t seen him in person since the party. So next time i go to a big party (which will be friday), i am brining some close friends who will be there to not let me do the same kind of thing again. (and there is no way i asm drinking as much as i did at that one party).
By Anabel on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 07:17 pm:
friends should not be acting like dirty sluts
especially fat ones....
cause you sound fat.
i bet the only thing that you ever do is
eat and talk on the internet.
sleeping with someone at the party friday
sounds something like you would do,
considering what you said in your other letters.
just remember to wash your cunt afterwards....
i don't want you smelling like a yeast infected
CUNT!!!
By Bethany on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 07:36 pm:
You are just setting yourself up for hurt when you do that
kind of stuff...definitely think something over before you do it
Guys don't tend to go for the one time party girl...if you
know what I mean. I just think that grrls should have
more respect for themselves, I am sure that you can get a
perfectly decent guy if you just work on your everyday attitude
instead of party attitude. You must remember this...
Everyone has someone that will love them unconditionally
for their entire lives, you just have to find them. I don't think that
it will happen no matter what, I think that you have to see that in them.
And I know that sounds corny...but I think that it is really true. When
I look at my parents, that is what I see. I think that you
should be more careful because that person could be the guy that
you fooled around with and he may have been scared away. Keep your eyes
open, that is what I am saying.
Beth
P.S. who was that slut that posted the last message? I though that this place was for good people!!
We really don't need that kind of crap here, Anabel!!
By Keely on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 09:23 pm:
And to Anabel- F**K OFF!!
You have no right to judge me. As much as I would to defend everything you are judging me to be, it's just not worth it! I am flabergasted that someone would be willing to sink so low as to make judgements like that over people they very obviously don't know nothing about!!
By Keely on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 09:25 pm:
By Anabel on Wednesday, June 3, 1998 - 10:21 pm:
then why the fuck do you tell your life sex story on the goddamn internet?
if you are so suprised at my "judgement" of you, then
start opening your eyes instead of your legs.
as for me knowing nothing about you,
how do you explain the endless hours that you spend telling a fuckin
computer how shitty your life is....
cause you have no fuckin friends!
ha ha ha ha ha ha.
By Ms. Manners Grrl on Thursday, June 4, 1998 - 10:56 pm:
"Anabel",
You criticize people for spending so much time on computers, yet you know details about the regular posters? What are you doing w/your free time "Anabel" other than picking up more sewer mouthed words? I can curse w/the best of them, but when one curses constantly it loses the effect. I suggest you learn to tell the difference between when cursing will get your point across vs. when it will just annoy people.
Perhaps you're spending too much time watching the Jerry Springer Show? Or just frustrated because you didn't get to go to the Jerry Springer Show taping? Maybe you should devote the time to expanding your limited vocabulary. It'll get you further in life than calling people "cunt". Unlike the Springer show, the talk here is pretty civil. People usually respect each other's differences.
Keely,
We all do things we regret. The important thing is that we learn from them, as you seem to be. It's part of maturing,etc. Hold you head high Grrl & don't let some sewer mouthed, vocabulary impaired, Jerry Springer audience member wannabe bother you :-)
By Keely on Thursday, June 4, 1998 - 11:06 pm:
By Fiona on Friday, June 5, 1998 - 06:38 pm:
...........................
By Anabel on Saturday, June 6, 1998 - 11:17 am:
thank-you for your most gracious advice, and your patience in guiding me in the right direction. however harsh my words may have seemed, i just don't have the time to listen to someone such as keely cry about their ignorance, and beg for people to feel sorry for her. If you want to flaunt your ass around, and then later find yourself confused at the fact that boys don't like you, i think that you need help that is truly beyond the counselling of nrrd grrl. why don't you spare us all keely, and invest in a psychiatrist. you are a fuck-up and probably ugly, too.
anabel
xxoo
:)
By Amelia Wilson (Admin) on Sunday, June 7, 1998 - 01:11 pm:
That's enough. Period. Keep it civil or take it elsewhere.
-Amelia
By Trista on Monday, June 8, 1998 - 01:38 pm:
you cerainly seem to know quite a bit about yeast.
and why are you spending so much time here?
i'm proud of keely - she is reaching out to express herself and to learn. there is no room for shame here. any healthy person knows that shame is destructive to personal growth.
so take your sick self away and grow up. read a book.
this is a better place than you deserve, meathead.
love to all the real grrls, trista
By Marsha on Saturday, July 4, 1998 - 02:58 pm:
By Nona on Tuesday, October 27, 1998 - 02:40 pm: