Turning 30-- When are you too old to do the barrette thing?


NrrdGrrl! Discussion Forum: Just Plain Talk: Turning 30-- When are you too old to do the barrette thing?
By Anonymous on Friday, March 27, 1998 - 06:00 pm:

Okay chickies,

When are you too old to be "cool?" I'm turning thirty this year, and I'm having a bit of anxiety, having been a bit of a late bloomer to begin with. I saw "The Wedding Singer" and "Gross Pointe Blank"-- both films flashing back to the eighties (especially 80's music) and I found myself feeling a bit defensive among my 40+ coworkers who seem a bit put off by by Psychedelic Furs listening- tennis shoe wearing-HTML addicted-product of the 80's-I know where I was when Ronald Reagan was shot-self.

Not to be a whiner, but I just dont't feel like whatever 30 is supposed to feel like.

Any thoughts from youze galz?


By Lily on Friday, March 27, 1998 - 09:59 pm:

oh man.

i'm creeping up on thirty myself. and it's only recently that i've had the energy/finances to do (and wear, for that matter) all those cool things i've read about cool people doing.

i work in manufacturing. i work with men. i work with male engineers. they don't get chunky heels or why it was sad when kurt cobain died.

i think we're the first generation (i'm not going to say that letter) that *shows* the difference between the concept of a local community (them) and a world community (us). we have a lot more input than they ever did. while i may never go there, i know that berlin would be a pretty cool place to live, given what i've read and seen about the new artist communities there. see my point? or am i babbling because i like to talk about things besides manufacturing? *sigh*


By Lee on Saturday, March 28, 1998 - 09:07 am:

I'm 32, & as much of a cliche as it is, age is just a number. Actually I feel like my confidence has increased & I'm getting more assertive. I love the 80s stuff too. Nothing wrong w/still being into it. After all, if you'll recall, when we were in our late teens/early 20s, most radio stations were playing "classic" rock. We have a music of own!! :-)


By Rizzo on Saturday, March 28, 1998 - 11:55 am:

Hey. My mother & father are 43 years old and my mother can still pull off the barrette thing. My father is a do-anything go-anywhere guy still. If you feel confident enough to be cool, do it! What other people think of your age doesn't matter. Go with the way you're most comfortable!!



Riz


By Trista on Monday, March 30, 1998 - 12:10 pm:

Hi

I'm thirty and I feel so much more 'with' myself than I did when I was in my early and mid - twenties. I listen to what I want to, not to what would make me seem cool. I wear what I like instead of trying to be the coolest 'waver'. Don't get me wrong, i'm still pretty funky, but there is a subtlety and sense about it. I look like ME! I look back at that bleache-haired lopsided-bobbed pointy-shoed legging-clad girl in my highschool photos and think 'Oh, Honey! What were you thinking?' I know what my semi-conservative family was thinking! I was stressed out all the time because I didn't have the cash to get ALL the cool stuff so I was part-geek-part-jock-part-waver. If I had had any kind of self confidence, I might have pulled it off, but frequent acne took care of that. Y'all know what I mean.

So, now, I'm still artistic and athletic, but the confused-rebelliosness has morphed into liberalism; my hair is natural, long and curly, not straightened to death; I still have zits, but my understated makeup is nice cover; I'm not terrified to leave the house without makeup or detailed outfits; I'm certainly healthier mentally; I'm not so shy, finding that being MYSELF is an ATTRACTIVE quality. My clothes still tell a bit about me, but (thanks to a classy mom) I know how and when to be a bit more conservative (this does not mean sacrificing my style). And I certainly have not desire to look like all the ninteen year olds running around in platforms and baggies. I look in the mirror now and think - hey you're pretty! - thats something I never would have done at twenty.

I dig my unique qualities. If someone doesn't, thats okay. Relax and be yourselves, girls!
Go easy on yourselves and let your true colors show. Don't be a Spice Girl if you're not. You'll thank yourself one day.

Thirty is cool.

Trista


By Que_ on Monday, March 30, 1998 - 06:05 pm:

I am not anywhere close to thirty- i'm just over half that actually. But, I just want to say that my role models (female ones that is) are the ones who act youthful and outgoing- get what they want because they are confident, and BY GOD, SOME OF THEM WEAR BARRETTES!!! Yeah, I think 30 is young, I'll admit it....because our generation is getting married, going to college, and starting out on our own much later than people were in the 50's or something. To me, from my experiences and meeting women in their 30's, it's still REALLY young!!!!! Be young, have fun, drink Pepsi. Sorry, that slogan just seemed to flow with what I was saying.....

Que


By Laura on Tuesday, March 31, 1998 - 02:13 pm:

Jeez...the really frightening thing is when you find a couple of gray hairs in that barrette. I'm 28 and I've found 2 so far. I didn't pull them out because I thought maybe they were good luck.

Working exclusively with old, white, men, can get anyone down at any age. I wish someone would send me a report refuting my current notion that if you're a very successful woman you will only ever deal with men and they will all be twice your age.

I think it's important to go hand out with "girls" and act half my age now and then to remember who I am. Not to make awful stereotypes, but sometimes I crave a job at a cosmetic counter...spending all day with women and people my age. Luckily, I engage in other activities besides my job that make me feel less odd...music, the gym.

I still find it difficult to find role models in my age group though. Anyone want to remind me of a few?


By Amelia Wilson (Admin) on Thursday, April 2, 1998 - 11:15 pm:

Woo. I turned 30 this year. And it wasn't nearly as awful as I was expecting-- haha! Anyway, my theory is that everybody likes whatever music they dug in high school for the rest of their lives. That's why all those baby boomers are still listening to "classic rock" and why I still listen to Adam and the Ants and the Psychedelic Furs and Missing Persons!!

Anyway, as for the cool thing. I think coolness is much more a state of mind than a function of youth. Trista, you totally got it right!

-Amelia


By Eliste on Monday, April 6, 1998 - 11:48 am:

allright here's my thoughts....

age doesnt mean jack. its just a number that tells how long you've been on this earth. I fyou dont feel 30 then dont dress 30. same goes for 50 and 15! what matters is feeling comfortable and if you want to wear barrettes then wear them! my mother at 48 still wears barrettes in her hair! if society says dont then society is wrong!

there... the wisdom of a 19yr old...


By Trista on Friday, April 17, 1998 - 10:27 am:

Thanks, Amelia!

Grrrrrrratitude to all the wonderful support this site offers!

Trista


By Shampoo on Monday, April 20, 1998 - 10:24 pm:

If you still have hair, then put a barrette in em...

Anywayz, I'm not thirty, not even close, but I think people who are 30/in their late 20's are still cool! I mean, you guys still have fun, but (unless you're a druggie or something) you don't go out and do stupid things like us crazy teenagers do (okay, more like stuff me and my friends do...) And you guys have good taste in music and tend to dress better too.

Gavin Rossdale is 30. I didn't think he was cuz he totally doesn't look it, but he is!! And if he can be 30 and still be cool and (really) attractive to us teenage girls, then I'm sure you guys can do it too. Lisa Loeb is 30, plus *lotsa* other movie/music celebrities. Age doesn't matter, it really doesn't. If you act like an old fogie, then you will be one, if you're 30 or 16. It's only your body that's changing, and your birthday cake.

You 30 year olds out there - behave yourselves, cuz us crazy teenagers are looking at you as role models of what we wanna be in a few years. Have fun!! Have lotsa fun!! But be responsible and stuff too.


By Queen on Tuesday, April 21, 1998 - 04:00 pm:

I can remember when I thought 30 was old as dirt. Now all my friends are over thirty or thereabouts and none of us look our age. Everyone tells me I look 22/23--until I start telling them stuff I did, places I travelled to, etc. I don't ever intend to put my hair in a bun and sit quietly and knit things. I'm always going to gawk at cute boys and lift weights and think too much.

To all you teenagers out there--Being this old is cool for me because I totally love myself and accept and embrace all of me--even the stuff I can't stand, mind you. Not that this happens for everyone at 30, but I remember how insecure and unhappy and miserable I was as a teenager/early 20 something-er, and I wouldn't want to relive any of that at gunpoint. It was the absolute worst of anything you can possibly imagine, and then it was way worse than that.

Love yourself. I mean it. Love and accept yourself totally for who you are, whatever it takes. And when you do, don't let anyone take that away from you. Because your self-love will shape/define your quality of life for the rest of your life, whether you realize it or not. Not your cool job. Not money. Not a cute boy, or great sex or any of that other stuff that's supposed to be so wonderful about being an adult. Don't let them fool you--if you hate yourself, or even if you don't love yourself completely, you won't enjoy any of it completely, and you won't ever be truly happy or fulfilled.


By Trista on Wednesday, May 6, 1998 - 06:38 am:

Just had an amusing thought:

Over a decade ago, when I was 17 or 18, people used to ask me what my major was. When I turned 21, I was mystified that the supermarket checker didn't ask for my ID when I bought beer for the first time.

Now, people think I'm 25 or 26. Hell, people, I'm 30!

I think it was because when I was younger I completely overworked my looks - so I imagine i looked a lot like those old ladies with jet black hair and cement mascara (who end up looking convincingly over their true age!). Now that I'm a bit more 'au natur' (please see entry my above), I get suprised looks when I say I used to grove heavily to The Jam and Abba and graduated from Highschool in ninteenEIGHTYsix.

Thanks, all you younger grrl-ettes, for your positive and realistic perceptions of us 'old gals'! Respect.

Trista


By Viola on Thursday, May 21, 1998 - 08:16 pm:

I'm new at this, so I'll start by saying this is a great website! I'm 32 now and sometimes I think I know who and what I am--music teacher and tutor, wife and mom to 3 cats. But a lot of the time, I still wonder what my husband sees in me; wonder if I'll ever feel comfortable in this body; in short, the kind of things a woman 10 years younger would worry about. Still hurting about being a reject fifteen years ago,and still feeling like that same person I was then. Can anybody relate to this? Thanks...


By Ifa on Tuesday, June 2, 1998 - 03:25 pm:

okay, i know this might sound wierd, but.... What's a barette??!
thanx!
ífa (who is just over half of 30 :)


By Shampoo on Friday, July 3, 1998 - 02:44 am:

A barette is like a hair clip. They're usually kinda pretty and colourful and stuff, I used to wear them when I was little, my hair is too thick to wear them now ^_^

-shampoo
-also a little more then half of 30


By Marsha on Monday, July 6, 1998 - 09:45 pm:

so whats weird about 30 year olds wearing them in their hair? I am under the impression that age means nothing. Lots of people think I'm older than I am cuz I act like it. My dad is not much more mature than my 9 year old brother. I once dated a guy that was 30 and he was no different than a guy I dated half his age. Its your personality not your age.


By Anonymous on Saturday, July 25, 1998 - 09:32 pm:

To beat the "30-blues", I shaved the underside of my head, from ear to ear (that was the style in 1994, remember??). It made me feel younger, hipper, cooler. Plus, when I left my hair down, no one could even tell. When the hair grew back in, it was (and is) curly, where only straight hair grew before. Considering that I wished for naturally curly hair all my pre-30 life, I consider it to be my reward for not being afraid to act as old as I felt. And yes, I stil wear barrettes, in fact, I usually wear barrettes that I made myself.
Be yourself, accept no substitute!


By Anonymous on Tuesday, October 13, 1998 - 09:06 pm:

Well, my wife is 33, recently graduated as a mature student in music, is learning Unix shell and C, and is amazingly beautiful (she'll never stop looking like she could be 21). She's got the 'attitude' to do it all; she survived terrible abuse as a child, and I never want her to stop teaching and learning now.

She doesn't dress in a deliberately 'childish' manner (i.e. some ugly teen fashions) but will never appear middle-aged. I'm really happy with everything she is; her age expresses itself as maturity. I don't know the trick, but she *does*.

I don't know what a 'barette' is either.

JHW


By Little mama on Saturday, October 24, 1998 - 06:14 am:

Thank you all so much! I'm pleasantly surprised to hear that you young ladies haven't written us twice-your-agers off... I, too, feel younger and freer than I ever did in my teens and twenties. Perhaps the reward for all those years of agonizing over one's (percieved) inadequacies is learning to *really* love yourself. I've never been happier or more confident. At some point, I realised I was a beautiful, smart, strong woman. And somehow my uncomfortable blend of new- wave/punky/trendy/preppy morphed into *style*. I sport a shaved head and sparkly fingernails, and even though I'm no spring chicken (mom to a 5-yr-old and in my 30's), people tell me all the time how fabulous I look. And I feel like I do, too! All hail grownup-hood!


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