WHY ALL MEN ARE JERKS?


NrrdGrrl! Discussion Forum: Vent: WHY ALL MEN ARE JERKS?
By Anonymous on Sunday, January 18, 1998 - 07:11 pm:

I WANT TO KNOW WHY EVERY MAN I MEET SEEMS TO ALWAYS HAVE SOME HIDDEN MOTIVE WHEN DATING ME. AM I THE ONLY GIRL THIS HAPPENS TO? I DOUBT IT! LET ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.


By Titania99 on Sunday, January 18, 1998 - 11:25 pm:

Your looking in the wrong places girlfriend!!! I have never gone out with a guy or girl that was anything but an angel (No not everyone has my luck). In some ways though...my predicament is just as bad as your because when you know they are so nice you are so scared to hurt his or feelings that you feel trapped. But a secret is to look for people that are your best friends...that guy who is never to busy to talk to you, or the guy that you have grown up with maybe...then you already know what they are like and you don't have to worry about them turning on you. Also..if you have know them for a while...you know his or her previous track record...ya know..what they did to whom and if he or she ruined his or her life ect. PLease don't be down completely on men in general...there really are some great ones out there. And if you can't find one of those you like...start looking at your own kind...then you might find someone that makes you just as happy.


By Shampoo on Sunday, January 18, 1998 - 11:47 pm:

You'll find someone, anonymous. Don't worry, some guy out there is the right one for you. All you have to do is meet him. There sure are a lot of scummy guys out there, though. We should take them out, and shoot them.


By Lee on Monday, January 19, 1998 - 07:24 pm:

There are good guys out there. Maybe we can clone them :-) Seriously, I don't know your age, but I'm in my early 30s & find things are getting better as I get older. As men get older, they seem to be more interested in things like sense of humor, personality & intelligence than in one's resemblance to a Barbie doll.

Another thing might be region. I'm in the NYC area & I think that's part of the problem of meeting someone. A lot of the guys want to date supermodels. It's not much easier for my male friends as a lot of women want to date captains of industry. Little do people realize the supermodels & captains of industry are going to date each other :-)

I haven't found true love yet, but I think there's a possibility of it & I'm going to keep looking.

I have a brother, a step-brother, several male cousins & some male friends, so anytime I might feel tempted to man bash, I think of them. They're good guys & they know how to treat women well.


By Quinn Duestches on Saturday, January 24, 1998 - 03:57 pm:

I'm with you, Annonymous. The one guy that I would love to be around, be my boyfriend..
He won't even speak to me! Even if I go up to his and am good friends with his 8year old sister!
Men are scum, minus my dog.


By Anonymous on Friday, January 30, 1998 - 10:28 pm:

Ask yourself this: what are you doing to attract these jerks? If you don't demand respect and honesty, you won't get it. I'm guessing that you are looking in the wrong places for the wrong guys and then bashing men because of it. Just my opinion.


By Anonymous on Tuesday, February 24, 1998 - 12:06 am:

Although I have abused the phrase myself in the past, I cannot truly agree with your statement. It's not true that ALL men are jerks. To make that assumption would do nothing but group us with the guys that say that all girls are whores, etc. I've known a few wonderful guys in my lifetime - maybe you're just not looking in the right places. Sorry you feel that way.


By Jaime on Monday, March 2, 1998 - 06:57 pm:

i'm sure there are a lot of cool guys out there, but the problem is that they all seem to be either gay, taken, or just not interested. seriously. the last guy i had a crush on turned out to be engaged. the guy i had a crush on before him turned out to be homosexual. and the guy before that kept playing all these games with me so i just said forget it. i'm beginning to think it's hopeless. i haven't had a serious relationship with anyone since i got to high school, and things are getting really boring. even though i don't base my self-worth on whether or not i have a boyfriend, after a while you just start to feel like nobody wants you, like it *is* hopeless. so anybody have any words of encouragement? :)


By Anonymous on Friday, March 6, 1998 - 01:01 am:

"the last guy i had a crush on turned out to be engaged. the guy i had a crush on before him turned out to be homosexual. and the guy before that kept playing all these games with me so i just said forget it. "

What do all these guys have in common?

I think you probably know lots of guys that aren't jerks, gay, taken, or not interested. But they probably aren't interesting to you.


By Gynger on Monday, March 9, 1998 - 07:00 pm:

I think that guys are awesome. I don't go out with any of them and don't intend to. Anonymous, what are YOUR motives for going out with guys? You may find that your needs can be met by simply being friends with them. As friends, you trust and understand eachother ~ and you don't have to live up to "boyfriend/girlfriend standards". Try being celibate for a while. It opens up new worlds!


By Eliste on Thursday, March 12, 1998 - 01:25 am:

true love does exist... but you have to understand that the man you find it with will most likely not be perfect. I found it... but there are flaws in us being together... dont worry about it, dont stress over it, you'll find it when you stop looking... at least that's what happened to me...
and dont freak when you find out that he's not perfect... no one is...
(smile) just love him for who he is and it'll work out...


By Mj on Friday, April 3, 1998 - 08:02 pm:

So many women are so caught up in finding a man. It often seems as if they're very being depends on having a boyfriend or a husband or whatever. Many feel that they always have to have a significant other. I think that women have to learn to be their own person, not dependent on a man. I am not saying that I don't like men or that women souldn't look for men. But instead, learn to like yourself and live for yourself. If you really, truely like and accept yourself, you won't be as apt to settle for a man that is a jerk or to take crap from a man. It shouldn't be the main goal of a woman to find a man. A woman should learn to be happy with herself and command respect from the man she is dating.


By SQQUID on Wednesday, April 8, 1998 - 09:52 pm:

No,all guys are not jerks.Yes,about 90% of them are.You just haven't met the right one yet(which I'm sure you've heard about 18 times by now).Well,that's all I really have to say about it.

P.S.-You can tell if a guy is cool or not if he dresses up in drag at your request(sorry,I just had to add it....hee hee hee...).


By LUCY on Saturday, April 18, 1998 - 05:20 pm:

Hi im Lucy and I'm new here. Yes, many men are jerks. So are many women. A lot of us are just stumbling through it all just trying to make sense of things and hoping for some companionship ( and good sex, tee-hee). You must ask yourself what you want from a relationship and settle for nothing less. I'm 25 and have found a wonderful supportive man who will let me be what I want He actually likes opinionated women!!! But I spent many unhappy years living up to others' images. Don't lose heart, there is someone out there for you. But relationships requre so much patience and the ability to forgive. And keep in mind NO ONE is perfect and NO ONE can read your mind. You must communicate, grrls!!


By NegetiveAngel on Tuesday, May 5, 1998 - 11:18 am:

BEAT THIS A FRIEND AND I WENT SWIMMING YESTERDAY AND THIS LIFEGUARD STARTED TO CHAT UP BOTH OF US!!! HE MADE NO EFFORT TO HIDE THE FACT HE JUST BLATANTLY WENT FOR US IN FRONT OF EACH OTHER. CAN ANYONE OUT THERE UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT KIND OF A SAD NO-LIFE DOES THAT? ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD PLEASE.......


By Shampoo on Thursday, May 7, 1998 - 12:27 am:

What about the WOMEN who flirt with 10 guys at a time? Is that okay cuz she's a women? Face it, people are people, and the lifeguard isn't like that cuz he's a *guy*, he's like that cuz he's *human*. We do the exact same thing! Women aren't perfect either, you know.


By Shevalove_1998 on Sunday, May 17, 1998 - 12:44 pm:

I think that this world has been a man's world for far too long. Men have taken advantage of us, lead us on and dumped us far too often. They have cheated on us, lied to us and also decieved us in every way imaginable. I think it is the lady's turn now. We need to take a stand a put THEM in check so that we are no longer succeptible to heartbreak.


By Shampoo on Sunday, May 17, 1998 - 06:50 pm:

But then we would be hypocrites, wouldn't we? I'm not saying that we should sit back and take the crap they give us sometimes, but turning around and doing the same to them isn't going to solve anything. A better thing to do would be to stand up for ourselves in the right way and not stooping down to their level. I know a lot of guys who've had their hearts broken badly by a girl. And I know a guy who's going to get hurt because a certain someone flirted with him just for the fun of it, with no intention of even going out with him. (can we guess who that girl was?). Anywayz, all I'm saying is that sometimes us girls can be way too hard on the guys for stuff that we do, too. And sometimes we take this whole feminism thing too far and turn every little thing into a grave injustice. We still have a long wayz to go to achieve equality, and we'll get there, but that's not the right way to do it. The only thing that will lead to is that in 100 years or so, the men will start rebelling against us and start a fight for um... masculinism. We want equality, not superiority.


By Jools on Friday, May 22, 1998 - 04:32 pm:

Some men are bastards, some are not. I have a boyfriend and he's great but 50% of the boys I went out with before were jerks.
What really bugs me is some boys think it's ok to treat you like shit in front of their, and your, mates, but then when you're alone they're as sweet as anything. And then they don't understand why you get pissed off with them.
I didn't have a boyfriend for about a year and at times, yes I was lonely, but then I met up with my mates and realised that you don't always need a boyfriend to be a happy person.
The sooner men realise that the world doesn't revolve around them the better.


By Laurel on Saturday, May 23, 1998 - 08:14 pm:

"You don't always need a boyfriend to be a happy person." Right on Jools. If only more girls would realize that.


By Pinky on Sunday, May 24, 1998 - 08:22 am:

All men are not "Jerks" okay!! I met this fella at a disco and we clicked and got along really well. He has never did anything to me without my permission unlike other boys. He wrote me a gorgeous poem and I love him with all my heart. I'm not boasting i'm just sticking up for the opp. sex!!

Any comments??


By Anonymous on Sunday, May 24, 1998 - 09:58 am:

I'm only 15 and so far all the guys I've met have treated me like dirt and used me(eventually that is..they always start out really nice)all I can say is never get intimate with a guy until you know the real him.....not the person he pretends to be just to impress you


By Ginger Spice on Sunday, May 31, 1998 - 09:19 am:

Oooh I know what you mean!!!!
Most men are just interested in SCORING!
Think that they're gonna ask you out?
Think again girlfriend! Would n't I hurt their precoious ikkle ego, to ask you out and then for you to turn round andd say NO!
The only ones that DO ask you out, are manky and have got nothing to lose.
Huh! IT JUST MAKES ME SOOOOOOOO MAD!


By Anonymous on Sunday, June 14, 1998 - 09:43 pm:

One word that describes boys

PLAYA'S
PEACE OUT


By Shampoo on Monday, June 15, 1998 - 09:14 pm:

Hey! Not all guys are like that!


By Anonymous on Wednesday, June 17, 1998 - 04:54 pm:

Anonymous, not all guys are Jerks...I should know I'm a Guy! I feel that I listen to my wife and to my Best Friends who are mostly Females with open ears!! (Course, I think most Guy talk about dumb things [Sports for one...YAK!!], Gals are so refreshing to me, and their viewpoints are very valueable). Sorr-we, but I am taken...but I think you should know yourself first, understand deep inside your Soul who you are and what is it you seek out of Life! Please don't wait for a Guy to guide you to your Dreams (we [guys] aren't good at second-guessing your thoughts...hehe!!), tell him up front what you like and how you think about things (not too strongly though...that darn Male ego can be a problem if it is not handled the right way - I think it has something to do with the way boys are raised). I wish you all the Luck in the World!! *HugZ* Also I Luv Gals!! :) "What a boring world it would be without yas!!"


By Oirio on Wednesday, June 24, 1998 - 03:37 pm:

Anonymous,you sound like a nice lad indeed!!!
I , like you dont think all lads are jerks.Guess wha?i'm female and i dont think all lads are losers!!Every other person who writes on this seems to loathe all males !!I just wish to inform you , we are'nt all looking for the perfect man!!
Wha??i hear you ask,there is no such thing as the perfect being!!YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT EVERYONES FLAWS AS THEY HAVE YOURS!!!Hopefully all of ye who constantly complain about "him being a loser" will come to your senses and realise no one is a loser, that is only your perseption of them.There is a bit of a loser streak in all of us.You may just try to over-come your negitive views of lads!!
after all, they probably say the same about us girls -Oirio


By Shampoo on Thursday, June 25, 1998 - 08:30 pm:

I'm with Oirio! Not all guys are jerks!! Not all women are sluts, not all women are obsessed with guys, not all guys are jerks. I have met some very nice guys, and yes, they have their bad points, but we all do, and if you're lookin' for perfection, you're not going to find it.


By Lane G on Friday, June 26, 1998 - 07:32 am:

you r soooooo right. all men r complete utter jerks. the jerkiest fit into 3 main categories
1. Sleaze bags, sex maniacs who will cheat on u with owt in a skirt.
2. Mummy's boys, those apron strings are just a little too tight.
3. Just plain jerky people who r possessive, nagging and r completely different to when you first met.


By Sarah on Saturday, June 27, 1998 - 01:04 pm:

Not all men are jerks....but, a good many are....it takes a great deal of maturity and experience to recognize geniuine people, I've found. The key is know yourself, what you want....what you need....and to never put up with anyone who treats you badly...never. Too many women devalue themselves and their own needs.....because that is the way we are raised. To please others and put our own needs second. This doesn't work, though, because if you are unhappy....you will make everyone else around you unhappy....so, taking care of yourself first is not a selfish thing to do....It took me years to learn this, though! If you are getting depressed by these bad relationships..take some time out and spend sometime on yourself...don't go out with anyone...when you are feeling strong and secure in your own right..you will find that you will attract the most wonderful men!! *g* Good luck!


By Oirio on Sunday, June 28, 1998 - 04:45 pm:

Shampoo, that seems to be the first time we've ever agreed .


By Jill on Saturday, July 18, 1998 - 06:39 am:

I know that a lot of people think that guys only want to go out with the most beautiful girls, but it is not true. People say that I am pretty and kind but it does not seem to be enough. A lot of guys I know want a girl who is selfconfident and popular. But in the end, will I get the better guy?


By Chocobabe on Saturday, July 18, 1998 - 12:32 pm:

People say don't judge the book by the cover but it is really hard not to when the covers the first thing that you see! Don't you think? Everybody does it men and women. You see a nice man in the streets you say 'phorah he's nice' but you don't know if he's nice or not, you have to date him, or whatever to get to know him.


By Rhiannon on Tuesday, July 21, 1998 - 03:14 pm:

chocobabe,
I believe in dating a friend that's a boy that you have recently become atracted to, then you get to know them first, and just admire the gorgeous one's and maybe you will one day become great friends with them and get to know their personality without actually dating them.


By Kristin on Monday, August 3, 1998 - 05:02 pm:

Ya know what's really funny... my boyfriend of almost 3 years now introduced me to feminism. He encourages me to follow my dreams, be non-judgemental, and work hard for what I believe in. AND he doesn't expect sex in return. Until I met him, I could have been considered a "man hater". But that didn't stop me from dating jerky guys. I think that you have to find people outside of yr normal standards to be happy. Quit looking for Romeo with big muscles and a bad attitude and you'll find a Romeo who is intelligent, open minded, and if yr lucky like me, you'll find one who has looks on top of it all. Maybe the problem is that yr looking for a man... It's not necessary to have a boyfriend, ya know. I would have saved myself a LOT of heartache if I would have realized that earlier in life and just spent time doing things that I liked, instead of searching for a date.
visit me...
<a href="http://members.aol.com/bombpop76/powertulips.html">*powertulips*</a>


By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 8, 1998 - 04:26 pm:

jill, i agree with you! and can i just say that i rather hang out with boys than grrls cos i find all of us complete bitches! Of course i get along with girls but you dont usually get the nastly coments from boys about their best friends that you do from girls.


By Dan. on Sunday, October 11, 1998 - 02:01 pm:

heh im 16 and I don't go out with girls just for sex. I did once and I felt really guilty. It's not cool.
since then, I havent done it anymore. But I had to fend her off with a stick because she was
'in love with me' and stalked me and shit. i was nice tho. i just had to end it once and for all.
IMO, all guys (around my age) are assholes by default. it takes experience (maybe) or just a more mature mentality to take others feelings into account before your own, since you know yourself better than the other person, you can read your own mind, and cope with whatever comprimise or solution you see fit that will leave both people off well (adequately?).


By Anonymous on Wednesday, October 14, 1998 - 02:49 pm:

YOUR AN ASSHOLE DAN, why do you think you are so much better than everyone else (don't lie, I know you do)?


By Shampoo on Tuesday, October 20, 1998 - 12:22 am:

dan, let me ask you a question: you say that all guys are assholes by default. do you honestly think this is true? tell me the truth: do you not know one guy your age who is mature enough to stick with one girl he absolutely adores? are you telling me that there is absolutely no hope for my/our generation when it comes to relationships? i really doubt that your actions are representitive of the entire male gender in our age group.

you may have made a mistake, and probably a mistake that a lot of guys our age have made. but i do not think that this makes you a *jerk*, i would never write someone off like that because of something you did that was fueled by your raging hormones. you learned from your mistake, and even though i think the way you talked about this girl was totally insensitive and rude, i believe you are capable of a mature relationship if you really want it. the question is "do you?". only you know that.

anywayz, the bottom line is that i think it highly hypocritical of you to tell every girl here that your gender (yes, including you) in your age group are all jerks. because it's not true. you're young, you have a lot of growing up to do and maturity levels to reach that us girls have already gotten too (wonderful gender that we are). not *jerks*, though! i know there are nice guys out there, and i know this because i met some of them. just because you have met a few losers in your lifetime doesn't make them all like that, it really depends on the person. and guys *are* people, even if they aren't grrls. they deserve the same respect that we give to our girl friends, and shouldn't be lumped together in one big blob.

not all guys are jerks, and you are not a jerk. just a teenage boy with a little growing up to do. everyone is entitled to their mistakes, especially at the age of 16.


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