too much fuzzy can't hold my spine very even in excess there can always be a never ending circle of happenings because nothing much ever stops turning so that when i stop on one thing it begins again in the same circle and cycle of always a cat or a shadow or a light that covers my back and seizes me from the inside of my brain and a triumphant echo of nothing sees its mistake and knows it cannot ever correct it even when it cries for redemption it answers itself with a truth which is too horrible to admit when she saw a truth too horrible to deny because it cannot be made better. too much fuzzy can't hold my spine too even and it buckles under the weight of your steel grey eyes and your confusion inability to understand to comprehend to be what i wanted you to be was more than i should bear when i saw you hesitate without my touch even though you were there and said you loved me because i was trying and you were never seeing anything but your steel gray eyes told me to be better than i am do better be better but you were never good enough i protect you from your own embarrassment it frightens me to see you so unsure i am trying this on for size. too clear to catch the light that stops short of my sight even when i was young enough to understand when they told me i was wrong even when i knew i was right. i believed them because they must be right if they are wrong then anything can happen and nothing means anything so I can do whatever I want and if I do it wrong it's my own fucking fault. what if you were wrong when you said i was weak or too sensitive because i heard what you said even when maybe you only wanted me to half hear like the rest of you men with your ears half closed your eyes half open hearts wide to the likes of Claire. what if I can't eat even a stick sticks too sharp into a bristle thick with your cum when you came to give the good news to me with a smile that you knew would make me crazy to know what you knew to be with you in the hopes of some of it rubbing off on me even though i never wanted to be you. |
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