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©1999, Lockergnome LLC. ISSN: 1095-3965. All Rights Reserved. Subscription queries are answered at the bottom of each mailed issue. Content written by Sprocket Pirillo. Syndication arrangements can be made. Web site hosted by DigitalDaze.

WARNING: Today's News rates a 9.4 out of 10 on the CPIE scale.

For those of you who missed it, I was married on October 3rd (just the other weekend). It was a very small ceremony, and pictures will be uploaded as soon as I can find a good scanner. Yes, I'm a happy husband, and I don't miss bachelorhood all that much. Gretchen still allows me to play with my PC, so all is well in Geeksville. I don't want to bore you with all the details from our ceremony right now, but I have quite a witty story to pass along to you.

The pastor, my best man, and I were standing behind a door in the front of the church, waiting for everything to take place at the beginning of the wedding ceremony. The songs played, our relatives were seated, and all was right with the world. Then something caught my best man's attention--he looked up. Consequently, so did I. What we saw was a fly caught in a spider's web, spinning around and around and around... desperately trying to escape. I looked at my best man, and a cold shiver ran up my spine.

Now, for the last 11 months of our engagement, I had not been nervous. It was at this particular moment that I started sweating profusely. Oh, symbolism was hanging thick in the air before me! Was I that fly? Was someone trying to tell me something? My stomach turned, the door opened, and we walked before the congregation. My fears were immediately quelled when I saw the world's most beautiful bride walk down the aisle. True story, gang.

Free Ferrets [~1.0M] W9x/NT4 FREE

Finding stuff on the Internet with a ferret just got a whole lot cheaper--all the ferrets are finally FREE! If you're not familiar with ferrets, they're simple applications that help you find and manipulate pages found on the Internet... kinda like front-end applications for the major search engines. The interface is extremely similar to the Windows Find applet--novice users will especially find this refreshing. For the longest time, WebFerret was the only free ferret, but now it's joined by: InfoFerret, FileFerret, EmailFerret, PhoneFerret, NewsFerret, and IRCFerret! If you like these free versions, you can always upgrade to the more powerful (and configurable) PRO versions. No matter what kind of "thing" you're looking for, there's a ferret that can help!

[ DOWNLOAD 1 ]     [ VISIT SITE ]

Intel740 Graphics v3.0W [890k] W9x

[ DOWNLOAD 1 ]     [ VISIT SITE ]

Random Verse Lab v1.0b [956k] W9x/NT4 FREE

Here's a gadget that'll help you generate random verses (in case you're not poetically inclined). Let me attempt to write a description for this program by actually using it to do so: Although sleep skates and screams with vehicles enormous and desperate limps, Oh! Rocking chair; weird protection yells alongside smoke. Brown, beautiful before absolute dark unfolds. Ouch! Oh! Torrential damnation atop Delta pokes eternal Epsilon. Arrgghhh!! Lo! Black Nonsense! The bar in zombie arrives at summer, most British icky--listen to me! My white, sad, clean cloth arrives beyond. From within, it changes darkness when feelings desire change instead of chopping.

[ DOWNLOAD 1 ]     [ VISIT SITE ]

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Boys and girls of every age, wouldn't you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see this, our town of Halloween! I'm not afraid to admit that one of my favorite movies (of all time) is this one. Whereas most of you might look forward to watching the Wizard of Oz every year, I'm hankerin' for some Skeleton Jack! This, by far, is the best (and most comprehensive) TNBC website online. He's got the script, pictures, sounds, music, behind the scenes info, and more! If you haven't seen the movie, go out and rent it tonight. If you already HAVE seen the movie, watch it again to remind yourself how awesome it was the first time you viewed it. Then visit this site for great TNBC stuff for your PC!

[ VISIT SITE ]

FONT: Bungnipper [18k]

Feeling a bit carefree today? Not feeling very Times New Romanish? That's no surprise, since Times New Roman is perhaps the most boring typeface on the planet. Arial is a bucketful of yawns, too. What you need is a font that screams "NO PASSING ZONE." The world needs more exciting fonts--we'll ever have enough. Who will answer this call? Who will step in and fill the void? I think it's high time that someone nipped it in the bung.

[ DOWNLOAD ]     [ VISIT SITE ]

Who's really in control? Here's another nifty folder shortcut for Windows 98 & IE4 users: Right-click on the Start button, choose Explore, then in the Explorer window which pops up, create a New Folder. Rename the folder to the following and hit enter: