SCORPIO Oct 24 - Nov 22

Yours is traditionally the sign of transformation, but all the stars in heaven combined can't transform you into the young person you're desperate to be.

Anyone whose first ever record was by Chicory Tip should be old enough to know that larding your conversation with 'large', 'bitchin'', 'sorted' and 'safe' will not turn you into someone with whom an 18 year-old wants to 'chill'.

Mercury's reverse motion suggests failure to grasp this could mean a bit of a kicking at the hands of two vicious 15 year-old girls and becoming a target for police surveillance.

Collecting labels may lead to prizes.

Your lucky shoe's a brogue.