Operation Desert Taco 

Recently there was a big hoopla over the United States air strikes in Iraq. The effort took about three days to complete and was called Operation Desert Fox. Meanwhile, about the same time a larger, more covert and more dangerous infiltration and attack took place on the free soil right here is the good US of A. That's right, CNN didn't even get wind of this very important campaign. Simply called Operation Desert Taco.

At roughly 0900 hours

Our group arrived on site for the initial infiltration. Armed with only the necessary components for survival, which is important in this sort of high speed, dangerous and corny attack. We go with minimal supplies because if one of our group gets left behind enemy lines, the whole mission could be jeopardized, our cover blown and our lives ruined. Honest! Armed with only a PalmPilot, Diet Coke, my latest MacAddict and some sugarless gum, we hit at daybreak, after some fruity pebbles and toast.

Some call this, the Great Northeast of NY, IBM Country. I guess IBM has a big plant somewhere around here. Kingston I believe. That being the case I headed to a similar place. Gateway Country. To the civilian it looks like a nice place, cute little cow boxes, comfy little beige machines with nice keyboards and mice. Sales people are chipper, happy and almost on too much caffeine. Prices are clearly marked on just about everything but the laptops. This is wave one. Infiltrate and get out. What we are trying to do in this mission is to fundamentally break down their intelligence forces before we bring in the heavy stuff. My commandos and I ventured in under the guise of "consumers". Its an ugly job but that's why we get paid the big bucks. We are getting paid right?

1000 hours

We sneak behind enemy lines at GC headquarters. Although crawling on our bellies in the mall did get us some odd looks and the heat was making my cammo makeup streak, we pushed forward. Inside we moved quickly, looking around frantically and seeming confused. A sales guy approached us. I reached for my PalmPilot but didn't pull it out, REMEMBERING that we were under cover and it was ok. The sales guy said chipperly: "What can I help you with?" Not surprised, and still looking confused, I ventured: "Well I'm kinda confused. I'm looking for that blue computer. I want to start sending E-mail to my friend in college, but I don't see any in here. I heard they were a hot item but I never though you would have sold out already!" Baffled, the sales guy -- we'll call him Gus for now -- stuttered: "I don't know what you are talking about." I gave him a clue. "You know the one that Jeff Goldblum talks about, you get on the Internet in like 12 seconds. It's so easy that my cat will be surfing the web and downloading cat fancy pictures faster than I can say Meow mix. That one. It's cute and blue."

Still undercover, Gus sputters, and avoids the question. "I not sure if I follow you, you said you want to E-mail your friend?" Again I described the iMac and he got a manager or something as incompetent this time. I described this computer again, never losing my cool. The manager guy then shows me a "similar" machine, never once telling me that they didn't have my iMac. "For what you want…." he begins, "…all you need is something along these lines, it's the Gateway Bla Bla 9000 (whatever) 333 MHz 6 gb HD 56K modem 17-inch monitor, 24x CD ROM, 64mb SDRAM and it's ONLY $2,900!" Thank God that's all I need to send E-mail! I almost thought I needed more of a computer. Quickly, before I blow my cover by beating him over the head with my MacAddict magazine. I said: "I really have my heart set on the little blue computer and I really don't have room for something that big. Besides, look at all those cords. I don't see me figuring them all out. The blue one has two cords, one for the phone and one for the power." The manager person simply said: "You're not going to find that here." Courageously he then went on: "Besides, the company who makes those computers is going out of business." Smugly he added: "Gateway is going to be here for a long time."

Oh boy. At this point I almost screamed: "309 million in profits, 2.3 billion in the bank, 278, 000 imacs sold in 6 weeks, you call that going out of business!?" But I volleyed: "Ok then, do you have any Powerbooks?". At that point he simply said "No". All right, so maybe we didn't break down their intelligence but they sure insulted mine. $2,900 for E-mail is stiff by anyone's standards. Gus was simply baffled. Maybe he doesn't own a TV, who knows? The manager guy was good, knew his stuff, but he was so filled by the dark side that he could have been even remotely objective.

Back to headquarters: 1200 hours.

Best seven-layer burrito in a long time. Decided to give up on GC and head over to the CompUSA. We don't have a Best Buy, so off we go.

Roughly 1300 hours

We get there. Wade through the 700-feet tall towers o' PCs. We decide to scrap the original plan and just go for the kill. We grab the first sales guy we find and simply lay it out on the table: "Hello, I need to get a computer for my uncle. He has never used a computer and wants to surf the web and send E-mail, my cousins love Tomb Raider and Unreal. I use Macs and P.C.'s at school for papers and stuff and I don't know what would be best for him. I heard the iMac is good but I don't have a clue."

To my surprise the guy said, "Neither do I, let me get some help." Oh great, there we go, where is my MacAddict! He continues: "I know about PC's. Let me grab a Mac guy and we can figure out the best solution for you." Neat!

1430 hours: The cavalry!

So there we are, Mr. PC, Captain Mac and me. I must say that Captain Mac is a real geek. At one point Mr. PC leaves me alone with Captain Mac, who seems to love MacMaim and plays 1942 all day long. I talk about Quake, Tomb Raider, Unreal and others but he's stuck on his 6100/60, "the greatest machine ever". I shouldn't tell him I use mine for only writing these articles.

Here we go.

A few questions were asked

-What are you doing with it?
-Who is going to use it? and how computer savvy are they?
-Will they want to upgrade in a year?
-Are they on a network or share files with an office?
-How much left do you have on your Visa?

So here are how the questions were answered, pros and cons and who we went with.

-What are you doing with it?

"Send E-mail, surf web, do homework, play some games.

Mr. PC: "Well you can get a Compaq Presario that can do all that and more". We look at a couple. Some are kinda neat, filled with options and little buttons and the like. He mentions that there is a ton of games for the PC and few for the Mac. Unreal and Tomb Raider II will not be out for the Mac for a long time. Captain Mac leaves for a moment and grabs a copy of both, a small victory. Mr. PC is more than embarrassed and Captain Mac jabs and tells him that if he visits the Mac section once in a while as he might learn something.

Captain Mac: "The iMac is your machine. Since you won't be doing heavy graphics or anything this is more than ample." He pulls up Sherlock and shows how cool it is. Even Mr. PC is impressed. He shows how few cords there are and how fast Microsoft Office loads. He pulls up Tomb Raider II and it runs nicely. He adds that if I am a serious gamer I would not want to venture in playing Unreal on the iMac: it runs but it's ugly. So he shows Unreal on a 300MHz G3.. no video card and it still looks nice (with 64 megs of ram).

-Who is going to use it? and how computer savvy are they?

"My uncle and aunt, and cousins, they get confused by the VCR."

Both guys look at each other and say "Mac".

-Will they want to upgrade in a year?

That was iffy. Who knows how acclimated they will get with the computer? But I said no, knowing their history with buying new stuff.

Again, Mac is recommended. Mr. PC mentions that you can't seem to not upgrade a PC and then the lovefest with the 6100/60 is held by Captain Mac but Mr. PC agreed. I'm wondering if he wants to buy my IIcx?

-Are they on a network or share files with an office?

"My cousin uses Microsoft Office on a PC at work but other than that no network."

Captain Mac smiles and tells how easy it is to transfer files between PC and Mac and how wonderful Office is on the Mac. Again Mr. PC is impressed but says PCs are the standard in the work place and all the new stuff comes out for the PC first. Captain Mac then offers some stats that Microsoft and Apple are pals and that Office for the Mac will be around for a long time, with upgrades being done for at least 10 years. PC guy then folds. Outside of a CompUSA PC, most PCs could not win on the last question. At $1,299, the iMac is simply the most bag for the buck.

I take off my cammo and give Captain Mac the secret Mac handshake with a twinkle in my eye. Victory is hard but with a knowledgeable sales staff, although geeky, the Mac shines through.

Back to Taco Bell for dinner.

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